What a jerk. How could a guy be so heartless?
I'm afraid that's what people will say about my friend who plans on ending a three-year relationship with his girlfriend this weekend. It's not his fault that Valentine's Day falls on Saturday this year and that's when she's coming to visit. I respect him for going through with it despite the Hallmark holiday.
He told me that college is a time to explore your options, to find out who you are and what you want, something he has yet to experience. My friend is 23 and has always been in a relationship since age 16.
But he's going to do it. He said he's excited about leaving behind the relationship world he lived in for seven years.
My friend's situation made me appreciate the single life and caused me to take a new approach to Valentine's Day this year -- the celebration of singleness.
Don't think, "She's one of those bitter girls who doesn't have a boyfriend so she's taking it out on us."
Boyfriend or no boyfriend, my philosophy won't change.
Let me spruce up your Valentine's Day history. Emperor Claudius II thought single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, so he outlawed marriage for young men. St. Valentine realized the injustice of the situation, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. And then he was murdered.
A truly romantic story -- well, besides the murder, but marriage isn't being outlawed today.
A study done at the University of Chicago in January reported that more than half of 18- to 59-year-old adults spend their lives being single, meaning 86 million singles could soon define the new majority, according to the U.S. Census Bureau's most recent data.
Today, 27 is the average age for men to get married and 24 for women, compared to 22 and 20 in the 1940s and '50s.
Sometimes it seems people feel sorry for those who are aren't in a relationship, like singles are plagued with a deadly illness. We're not lepers. In fact, some of us choose to be single.
Maybe we just haven't met Dr. Right -- I mean Mr. Right -- yet, and we feel our time is not worth sacrificing right now.
Recently a co-worker asked me how I'd been and I said, "Life is good." -á
He replied, "Really? I'm assuming because there's a guy in your life."
Since when does happiness depend on whether you're dating someone? For some it must; for me, it doesn't.
Talk about feeling sorry for singles -- I feel bad for those who haven't experienced life without a serious relationship. True contentment comes when you are happy with yourself and by yourself. Have we taken enough time to see what's out there without factoring someone else into the equation?
It seems the happiest couples on campus are the ones who experienced life on their own and know who they are individually first. If you can achieve this while in a relationship, I applaud you. But everyone should spend a good part of their college years uncommitted to anyone but themselves.
Some people are together, and there's no doubt they're right for each other. But they're not the ones who have the feeling tugging at their guts. The little voice saying, "I know we're not right for each other, but I'll do something about it later."
Later when? When you're in so deep you feel trapped and can't get out?
How many of us have gotten ourselves into relationships that we stay in only because it's easier to stay than to go? What is it -- the comfort of having someone? the fear of not having someone?
Is it more important not to hurt someone's feelings and go through the anguish of a breakup than to meet your own needs?
My friend doesn't think so. He knows it's going to be hard and he doesn't mean to hurt her -- but he's ready to see what single life has to offer.
It's good; he'll see for himself.
Write to Meghan at mefarr@bsu.edu
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