The evolution of stalking looks something like this: hiding behind rocks, lurking in bushes, peeping through windows, constant pager messages, flooding one's e-mail, match-making Internet profiles, AIM away messages, Friendster, MySpace and Facebook.
Visually charted, it would be a hunched-over guy with pants down evolving into a man with a computer mouse ... and pants down.
One way of stalking everyone does without even thinking about it is checking away messages. I do it constantly, you do it constantly, but we're not stalking someone in the creepy sense, we just want to see if someone has something witty, funny or insightful to say.
Perhaps a philosophical quote that sums up one's day? We won't know unless we read it. With Facebook recently adding statuses to profiles (which is a fancy word for away messages), a person can spread emotions, funny quotes or hate for school even more now.
That said, let's revisit away message rules and expand them to cover Facebook, as well.
Before breaking down the away message categories to stay away from, let's quickly touch on Facebook statuses. Most people are aware a status should correctly follow the word "is."
For example, "Ryan is doing homework."
Maybe it's just my inner grammar nerd, but things such as, "Lauren is GO COLTS!" just make me cringe worse than watching B.J. Hill against Central Michigan University,
Facebook community, stop it. However, nothing is worse than having to read the following away messages. Let's break them down by category because most can be lumped together, and should always be avoided.
Woe is me/attention away message:
This category is dominated by depressing song lyrics and down-on-yourself comments. People put these up so that someone will ask, "awww, what's wrong?" For example, Joe might put up the lyrics to Poison's "Every Rose has it's Thorn." Joe obviously wants someone to query him on his love life, which probably went through a break-up. These are the away messages that when viewed, they take up the entire computer screen because someone feels the need to post the entire song. No one is reading it, attention whore.
Attempting to look cool away message:
This category is reserved for people who want friends, and hot women they're AIM stalking, to believe they're party animals. "Hanging out with friends...getting WASTED," "Out on the town...getting WASTED," and the ever so original, "Guess what I'm doing right now." Let me guess. You're sitting at home trading Pokemon with your friend Wang in China, or you're that guy that's puking on the dance floor at Dill St., hoping no one notices. Either way, steer clear of either perception by shunning this away message.
The nonsensical away message:
There is one nonsensical message in particular everyone should avoid, because it makes absolutely no sense. When people want to inform their online community they're at the gym, please use one of these away messages: "At the gym" or "Working out," One of those would work fine. Never, ever put, "Working it out." What are you working out? A relationship? A business proposition for protein shakes? How did "working out" turn into "working it out?" Like the licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop, the world may never know.
Write to Ryan atrjsmith@bsu.edu
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