Are you suffering from Post-Valentine's-Day Syndrome?, If you are susceptible to bouts of love sickness or extreme excitement over mass-commercialized holidays, you should take the time to consider the following statements. You could be suffering if:
-You long for someone to leave candy hearts under your pillow, expressing romantic sentiments such as "Hey Babe."
-Rotting rose petals litter your floor because you refuse to give these velvety, floral, love tokens up.
-You are waiting on a secret admirer to send you that mysterious-though slightly creepy- love letter? For that matter, are you sending yourself mysterious-slightly-creepy love letters?
-You torture yourself by watching Romeo and Juliet over and over, thinking that if you focus hard enough, Juliet will wake up on time?
-You are missing patches of hair on your scalp from sending one too many romantic locks to your lover.
-You have lost any body parts in the pursuit of expressing your love VanGogh-style.
-You trace heart outlines on your toothbrush bristles with red-tinted toothpaste.
-You cry tears of joy when you rip your knotted straw wrapper and find that someone, somewhere, is thinking of you?
If you answered "Yes" to any of the questions above, then you are at serious risk of contracting this life-threatening disease. You may find yourself reflecting over radical notions such as "What is there to live for now that February is almost over?" or "How long does it take to die from a broken heart?"
And if you happen to be single, you better just go ahead and kill yourself because if you were lucky enough to survive V-Day itself, you'll never fully recover from the Syndrome. (You cannot be single, self-fulfilled, and happy in this world, anyway.)
If you happen to be in a relationship and display symptoms of the Syndrome, you should not allow the sobering reality of having your idealistic expectations of Valentine's Day torn to shreds get to you. Be prepared to let the following negative thoughts pass without much thought or care: The chocolates and candy were a lovely gift, but do I detect an expansion in waist size? (Diet! Diet!)
Sure he bought you a teddy bear, but isn't that the same one he gave to his last three girlfriends?-á (Cheater! Cheater!)-á
You got jewelry? How wonderful, but it wasn't a ring, now was it?-á (Old and alone!-á Old and alone!)-á
She says she loved her flowers, but now she's thinking, "Why didn't he get me a heart-shaped chocolate?" (He thinks I'm fat!)
Post-Valentine's-Day-Syndrome should be taken seriously, and though chances of recovery are less than 20 percent. If you act quickly, it is possible to beat the odds.
First, make sure that you are not depending on one person (real or imagined) to meet all of your emotional needs. This is a one-way ticket to life-long wretchedness. Find out who you are and what makes you happy, regardless of whether you are single or not. Don't take yourself too seriously. People get in awful ruts when they analyze their relationships and "What if"
relationships to death. Life is a never-ending learning process, and you're bound to screw up sometimes.
While any day that is specifically chosen to celebrate love is a positive, encouraging thing; just like anything else, when taken to an extreme gets ridiculous. If your experience of this year's Valentine's Day was a pleasant one, good for you. If not, it's not the end of the world (or of anything).
Write to Carla at caalderman@bsu.edu
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