King's Eye Land: Auto racing needs obstacles, realism

While watching part of Sunday's NASCAR Winston Cup New Hampshire 300 (I did not have the remote control), I got bored and started thinking of ways to improve auto racing.

Before I go any further, understand that if an Indiana resident says anything derogatory about the sport of auto racing, that Indiana resident had better own some good running shoes and perhaps bulletproof windows. With that in mind, I'm laced up, boarded up and ready. Also, no one knows where I live.

Auto racing is a titanic sport in which the exertion is shared between a machine and a man. The bond of blood and oil and metal and flesh is a sacred one shared only by a few heavily sponsored individuals who also collect chain saws.

These soldiers of the track do battle at least once a month, attracting crowds from all walks of life (except the walk of life that thinks auto racing is stupid). In blazing heat, the rumble of those ultra-powerful engines is music to the ears of race fans who enjoy cheap domestic beer.

This truly is the stuff of champions - but it could be better.

For instance, auto races should never stop because of rain. This suggestion was inspired by Sunday's rain-shortened New Hampshire 300, which was delayed and finally stopped by NASCAR because of inclement weather.

This is wrong.

When normal people drive in the rain, no guy in a tower tells them to pull off the road. Drivers simply go slower and drive more carefully. Race car drivers should do the same, by gum.

There's no rule that says cars have to go a certain speed during a race - only to qualify for one. Race cars may be built for speed, but they can run slow too - just ask Dick Trickle.

Race car drivers need not go 150 m.p.h. - they can go 40 in the rain and be just fine. These drivers can also use better tires, such as Goodyear Aquatreds, which work fine on minivans. Bottom line: Make those drivers chase each other, even if it takes days to finish. That's athleticism.

Of course, the argument is, if you take the speed out of auto racing, you take away the excitement. That would be a valid argument, assuming I was listening.

On the outside chance that I agree (sure, I'm feeling saucy), let's add excitement in other ways. Let's incorporate real-world obstacles into auto racing. Just think, race car drivers would have to avoid joggers, rush-hour traffic and rubbernecking drivers who slow down for wrecks.

While we're at it, let's put a set of train tracks right in the middle of the racing action. That way, trains could arbitrarily come through, slow down to a crawl, stop and then back up for no real reason, just like in real life.

Finally, throw in the occasional farm implement. Nothing slows drivers better than a good combine or tractor. If no farmers are available, find an Amish buggy. Anything with a slow-moving vehicle sign will suffice.

Auto racing is a sport that has not harnessed its true potential. With only a few reality-based changes, we could see a revolution in the sport.

Until then, I'll wish for the remote.