Thirty-eight people flood the gates at the Sommet Center in Nashville, Tenn., for a Predators game. Make that 41 people. Three reporters from the Tennessean came to cover the record crowd.
Usually the players outnumber the spectators, so they were a little nervous. If they don't put on a hell of a show, they could end up being picked from between the teeth of these angry fans (an ironic demise, as the hockey players are mostly toothless themselves). There is no telling what manner of vile crimes a seething gaggle of 38 hockey fans might commit.
Both teams ended up skating around and banging on a black piece of vulcanized rubber with sticks.
All right you got me. That never happened, but it's how I imagine all hockey games.
I noticed my "old-timey sports dudes" column garnered some comments from the public last week. I appreciate the kudos and other comments. However, I can't help but notice some of you out there are hopelessly misguided about hockey and basketball. Don't get me wrong. They're worthy games for normal folks to play, but no one should be paid to play them. That would be like paying me to watch a "Munsters" marathon and consume all the Twinkies and whiskey in Delaware County. No challenge at all.
The NBA has better attendance. As a matter of fact, it's doing remarkably well in the almost-Great Depression we're experiencing. They say it's doing well because it's a global game, though I hear this is a global recession.
I know it seems sacrilegious for a Hoosier not to like basketball. It's not all that bad. I liked it in the '80s. Well, I liked most things about the '80s except leg warmers and Flock of Seagulls. Can I get a "hell yeah" for Ronald Reagan? I love me some Ronald Reagan! Not sexually.
In the '80s we had Kareem, Magic, Bird and Jordan fell in there somewhere too. The coolest thing was they weren't all tall enough to lick the rim without jumping. Now it's all about who's 7-feet tall. The game is global. Other countries are right up there with us. I commend the guys for taking gold, but it was such a big deal, they had to. If our million-dollar players suffered another drubbing in the Olympics by guys from third-world countries who can't afford indoor plumbing, the NBA might well have dissolved and been absorbed by foreign nations. It's more than a little disgraceful. I'll give you basketball fans this much, though. Lebron is quite a bright spot.
As I said in the last column, baseball has changed the rules to make it a hitter's game. They gave them a lighter bat to increase bat speed, a ball that practically has a heartbeat, closer fences and a lowered pitcher's mound.
Football has done the same. They went and made it an offensive game. The defense may as well be wearing handcuffs. Somewhere along the line, someone decided that more touchdown passes and home runs would make the games better. Jacking up salaries would make the games better. Making these heroic feats easier would make the games better. What they forgot was that people fell in love with the games and the players because it wasn't easy. It was hard. Not everyone could do it. That's what makes a hero.
Today's pro athletes are physically impressive, but most are prima donnas.
"Jimmy" commented last week, saying people would regard today's athletes as classics in 20 or 30 years the way we regard Gehrig, Aaron and Ruth today. He said all we really yearn for is nostalgia. I can see the logic behind that, but here's why I must respectfully disagree.
No ball players of today will ever live and die with the kind of integrity and dignity someone like Lou Gehrig had. It's too easy for them. They're paid too much. And here's the kicker. Men like that don't exist anymore. They've left us and moved on, because we didn't deserve to keep them. Now they live only in our hearts and memories, and in the untouchable beauty of what we aspire to be.
Write to John at jrfrees@bsu.edu/a>