If you're anything like me, Thanksgiving brings up mixed feelings. There are those warm fuzzy ones of curling up in front of the TV after gorging yourself on all of that delicious food. Maybe you associate Thanksgiving with the fabulous shopping (for the record, I always sleep in that Friday) that comes after it. But at the same time, there are memories and feelings that bring dread bubbling to the surface.
Well, all of that melts away during college. If you haven't been home for a Thanksgiving yet, prepare to be a little surprised. My own experience tells me your family will treat you differently than during high school. They'll actually be interested in the specifics of your life. One year between familial visits in college is the equivalent of not seeing your family for your entire high school career. I don't know what it is, but going to college suddenly makes you an interesting person to talk to, even if you aren't. Those conversation starters (that always just seemed to create a lot of awkward silences anyway) like "How is school going?" are replaced with questions of more depth: "Taking any interesting classes? Found the meaning of life yet? Experimented with anyone of the same sex? I hear that's popular to do at college."
There are a couple of strategies I take to deal with these questions. The first is to skirt them entirely. Act preoccupied. Invest in a good book and plant your nose in it as fast as possible. Kurt Vonnegut has gotten me through some tough times.
Next, I suggest speaking as little as possible. "Yes" or "no" answers do wonders, but be cautious. Too much use of the loner card can stir worry about depression or worse, for some family members, homosexuality.
A third, and probably most fun, approach is to mess with more gullible family members. I don't condone lies, but it's more than appropriate to embellish the truth sometimes. Trust me, it will be entertaining. They won't ask anything else if you tell them you never knew how much fun orgies could be until college. "I mean, five or six women (that's right, girls don't exist when you get to college), two or three guys, a few pops of acid and rock 'n' roll music make for a great time, Grandma." Watch her jaw drop, and I would bet all the nickels in my pocket that when it comes time for her prayer before dinner, she will be calling for backup.
Is it worth risking Grandma thinking you're the Anti-Christ just to avoid questions you've answered thousands of times already? No, but I need something to keep Thanksgiving interesting since I don't eat turkey.
I feel like I should end this with a disclaimer (because Grandma actually reads my column). I love my family and genuinely enjoy its company. In fact, I usually whip out my computer to show them projects I've been working on. I just think - and maybe you've noticed this in something you've read by me - that life is too short to be serious about everything. Sometimes it's important to link the canceling of my favorite childhood shows with harvesting kids as livestock, even if it's ridiculous. Getting a rise out of people keeps me sane in an otherwise insane world.
Write to Brad at bthorn@bsu.edu
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