It's Thirsty Thursday.
Depending what university you're at, that's either an accepted fact or a shameful cause. So shameful that one school is offering monetary incentive for its departments to drain the fun out of Thirsty Thursday.
The University of Iowa is offering money to departments willing to schedule classes on Fridays, the Daily Iowan reports.
According to an article Monday: "Under the proposed plan, which is designed to decrease binge drinking on Thursday nights, the UI school will pay departments $20 per student per switched class, officials said."
The offer applies specifically to the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences at UI.
An idea like this at Ball State University would likely be in debate for a while, as indicated by the time it took to move forward a new core curriculum. The process could take years, generations or the combined tenure of multiple athletics directors and basketball coaches.
But hell, we're not concerned with that at Ball State. No, we're encouraging Thirsty Thursdays!
Well, in a roundabout, respectable and mature sense.
The Alumni Association is sponsoring a "Thirsty Thursday" event prior to the Dec. 6 women's basketball game in Terre Haute. It's a standard event featuring "hors d'oeuvres, beverages and socializing" at a Terre Haute-area hotel, a pamphlet said.
And yes, President Jo Ann Gora is making an appearance. Her presence is clear -¡- to give an update on changes at the university under the "Education Redefined" motto.
Put that in your beer bong and drink it, Iowa. Even our university president has a sense of collegiate humor. You thought the nails were something? Well she's down with Thirsty Thursdays, too.
Cheers to you, Gora.
Though this event isn't meant to inspire binge drinking, some of the alums attending likely spent a few Fridays as undergrads recovering from "Thirsty Thursdays." As an alumnus and returning student, it's good to see the university's Alumni Association (and our president) playing off these college mainstays to gain interest in alumni events.
Perhaps other collegiate traditions could become social outings, too. I'd love to attend a "Penny Pitchers Friday" event in five years, or perhaps we could roll out the "BSU Mobile House Party Trailer."
Jesting aside, it's easier to go with the flow of these collegiate norms than fight them. Ball State is promoting marketable form of "Thirsty Thursday" with its alumni, and the University of Iowa is looking to curb the campus version by holding classes.
Iowa's logic is flawed. Friday classes will likely make students drink more, either in protest on Thursday nights or in a more demanding need for relaxation on Fridays. The real problem is alcoholism, and scheduling a few Friday classes isn't going to fix that.
If people want to binge drink that badly, they'll find ways. If they're that dedicated to the cause, drinkers will ignore any prior commitments or subsequent consequences.
If Iowa is that concerned about binge drinking, perhaps an alternative form of information needs to be presented to its student body on Fridays - health education.
In actuality, there's little a school can do to prevent widespread (binge) drinking. Outside of moving the weekend or reinstating prohibition there isn't much to do at a macro level.
And come to think of it, prohibition didn't really work, either.
Binge drinking is an issue that requires micro management, and that's something that comes best from targeted education and peer intelligence.
Since the "Police Yourself" drama of the 2003-2004 school year, we've had that covered at Ball State. The campaign has morphed to the "Alcohol and You" slogan, but it still operates under the same principle: Students will be students. Just don't be stupid while drinking.
So, good luck with your $20 promises, Iowa. While you're spending money in ill-fated attempts to curb Thirsty Thursday, we here at Ball State will be making money off it.
That's Fundraising Redefined.
Write to Dave at heydave@bewilderedsociety.com
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