Nervous anticipation pervaded the living room of a third-floor apartment on a recent Monday evening as a "girls' night in" was about to get underway.
Euphemisms were whispered, spoken and eventually shouted by the end of the evening as the more than 20 women that filled the room skirted around a topic that would make most blush if discussed anywhere outside the bedroom.
Sex. What it means to their female identities and relationships, and how some tools can make it oh-so-much better.
Relationship enhancers, sensual products, bedroom accessories: A variety of terms allude to the creams, oils, vibrators and other products sold at the in-home sex-toy parties that many college-age females are finding so alluring - and are attending in droves.
"It gives [women] an option to talk about sex. In everyday talk, people don't give you that option," Falisha Pellinen, a consultant for Pure Romance, Inc., said.
Similar to Mary Kay or Tupperware parties, sex toy parties like Pure Romance are gatherings where a consultant comes to someone's home and shows products. For the female-only over-18 crowd, these parties involve games to keep the mood lighthearted and fun.
Kristen Calvin, a junior music theater major, attended her first Pure Romance party at a friend's bachelorette party earlier this year and has been to two others since then.
"My motto is to try everything at least once," Calvin said. "The ice breaker games you play are fun and you meet a lot of new friends pretty quickly every time you go."
Pure Romance offers a line of more than 100 private-label and brand-name bedroom accessories, books, games and adult toys, as well as sensual lotions, gels and scents.
Most parties start by introducing the less intimidating items, such as creams and oils, then build up to those with an on-off switch.
"I get personal fast, what can I say?" Pellinen said while beginning her presentation Monday night.
Women make their purchases in private where they are free from judgment and take them home that day in a nondescript package, Pellinen said.
Pellinen said she gets about 40 percent of the profits from the sales, which average between $600 and $700 per party. Monday's "girls' night in" raked in $1,000, she said.
Despite the obvious fiscal benefits she receives, Pellinen said she enjoys being able to educate women so they're not going about sex and using the products the wrong way.
"It's sad how repressed a lot of women feel ... I get women in the ordering room who've told me, 'I don't even know how to orgasm,'" she said.
Sexual Stigmas
To the average person, "sex toy party" doesn't conjure the warm image of women feeling safe, sharing camaraderie and secrets.
A lot of misconceptions and myths about sex toys make people wary, hesitant or even judgmental about them, psychology of human sexuality professor George Gaither said.
"In today's society, the norm is to make everybody feel bad for having the sexual interests that they [have]," Gaither said. "Most of us feel like we're still going to do what we want to do, but we're really going to feel guilty about it and hide it. People feel bad for doing what's natural."
In her sociology of human sexuality course, professor Carolyn Kapinus covers the differing global views of sexuality and how these have changed over time.
She said while sex is sensationalized in the United States, other countries normalize it as a natural part of life.
"Historically, conceptions of female sexuality vacillate between it being very dangerous and something that must be controlled to the idea dating back to the Victorian age that most women don't have sexual feelings at all," Kapinus said.
Some sexual health education programs in high schools only ever cover risk factors and basic anatomy, she said.
"Even in modern education, not a lot of attention is put on female desire," she said. "Women are to be sexual only under certain circumstances."
Health science professor Jeffrey Clark has taught a sexual health course on campus for 14 years, and said the main problem with sexual health education today is the taboo that often surrounds it.
"The fear is that if we teach young people about sex, they're going to want to do it," Clark said. "We've not taught people about sex for a long time and they still want to do it. Education won't tip them over."
While parties like Pure Romance are good for "fill in the gaps" types of sexual health education, Clark recommends visiting the health or counseling centers on campus or taking a sexuality course to learn more information, he said.
"The key about parties is permission giving: it's OK to be sexual, it's OK to get pleasure from it," he said. "That's an important part of how you can express who you are as an individual."
Embracing Sexuality
Myths also sometimes label consultants as promiscuous, so people might be surprised to learn that Pellinen works at the Child Center on campus. She said she hasn't run into much negativity, but she understands and is sensitive to people's hesitancy.
"Women who would be uncomfortable in that kind of situation just aren't going to come," she said. "If people want to leave halfway through the party, I don't pressure them to stay."
A senior psychology major, Pellinen first learned about Pure Romance parties after she took Gaither's course last semester.
Gaither has brought in a guest consultant to give a sample demonstration twice before at the end of his course each semester, which generally have gone over pretty well, he said.
"Toy parties are trying to remove that stigma," Gaither said. "[Women] can talk in an environment that is comfortable for them because it's people that they know who give them some education. There are a lot of other places [online stores, pornography shops] to order from, but which of those sources do you trust?"
While at first she was reluctant to attend, Calvin said she ended up spending $70 at her first party and on average has spent around $40 at the other parties she's been to. She plans to host her own party this upcoming Valentine's Day, she said.
"I used to be embarrassed to embrace sexuality, but once you get to a [Pure Romance] party, you have no choice but to let loose and have fun and talk about it," she said. "It's a great chance to bond with your female friends."
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