I think it's fair to say that relationships are not only an important part of life; they are essential to being human. With the rare exception of the hermit who lives socially isolated and alone in the mountains, we all need someone to help us on our journey. In one form or another, your personal relationships will continually be both good and bad experiences, while there is no way to master knowing yourself or others.
Undoubtedly, relationships are a big part of life - but how important are sexual relationships?
During high school and college many American teenagers learn through a number of different sources that having a sexual or romantic relationship is important for establishing identity. The football captain dates the cheerleader, the popular guy dates a different person each week, the wild girl dates the other wild girl and the weird guy in the back of the classroom doesn't date anyone.
Usually, these stereotypical relationships based on identity and status flunk out by the time they enter college, and if you're lucky you've learned something about who you are. The truth is romantic love is not necessary for living a happy life; in fact, the concept hasn't been around that long.
Courtly love was a medieval European system of attitudes and myths that spawned several genres of literature, including romance. It governed the real and idealized behavior of knights and their ladies as they pursued each other, in a verbal and principally chaste relationship that was intended to flatter the lady and elevate, ennoble and energize the knight.
Media outlets that focus on sex to portray dramatic, romantic and rewarding partnerships fail to include the real details in life that make relationships work.
Sex does not make a relationship work - it will not create long-lasting true love. Making a relationship work requires a lot of dedication and persistence - there are no known shortcuts. Being in college requires a lot of these same applications and students can feel overwhelmed trying to maintain both. Some students manage to maintain good grades and a healthy relationship - but this is uncommon. Often it seems students believe the clich+â-¬ casual sexual partner - aka friends with benefits - will allow them the best of both worlds. Some students think, on the opposite end of the romance spectrum, that promiscuous sex gives them power and conveys an image of fun. Really, this is an image that is successful with other people having promiscuous sex, which leads to time-consuming gossip.
I'm not trying to sound like the sex-police; I think sex can be a wonderful expression of the human spirit.
I just think sexual and romantic relationships are highly overrated in our society - especially among college students.
Is being alone that bad? Is admitting you haven't "got laid" in six months really an unacceptable thing to say? Does watching a movie in your room Saturday night instead of going to the bar trying to score make you anti-social? Are those setting these standards in such great relationships that they have time to criticize those who aren't?
When it comes down to it, being in a relationship has its difficulties and so does being alone. You can be in a relationship and be lonely, and you can be alone and feel content. What matters most is what you are ready for and what you feel is right.
Students shouldn't feel pressure to justify their identity thorough sex or relationships.
It's OK to figure out who you are and what you are looking for before concerning yourself with relationships. And there is no need to feel competitive about sex - it's not a Pulitzer prize, it's just sex.
Enjoy your single life while you can, because sex and relationships will still be there after you get your degree.
Write to July atjrlam@bsu.edu
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