When Ball State University student Jessica Miles signed a lease to share a bedroom with her boyfriend, Corey Wagoner, she didn't foresee the complications that would arise.
"Ultimately, it was the demise of our relationship," Miles said. "It brought in finances and responsibilities. I became way too reliant on him to help me out with finances, and that really put a lot of stress on him."
Living together, or cohabitating, made it difficult for Miles and Wagoner to deal with issues they faced as a couple, she said.
"We didn't confront stuff as much," Miles said. "We would resolve it so we could just get through the day and not kill each other."
After living together for little more than a year, Miles and Wagoner broke up, and Cory moved out. When the split occurred, the two had to split furniture and belongings they shared, Miles said.
"When he moved out, I didn't have a bed for like two months, and I had to sleep in my other roommates' beds when they weren't there," Miles said.
Miles and Wagoner thought cohabitating would be a stepping stone for marriage and a future life together, but in the end, sharing close quarters sped up their inevitable breakup, Miles said.
Cohabitating has become increasingly more common, usually as a precursor to marriage Rebecca Adams, who teaches a marriage class at Ball State, said. Though no national statistics exist on college couples living together, at least half of married couples lived together before their wedding day, Adams said.
While living together can be unsuccessful for couples, it can be useful as a trial run for marriage, she said.
"It won't ensure a good marriage, but it can help you eliminate some duds," Adams said.
When things work
Matt and Amanda Thomas, who shared a two-bedroom duplex during the 2005-2006 school year were able to overcome the issues that plague many other young couples living together for the first time. Matt and Amanda married in June, about a month after graduating from Ball State.
Living together during their final year of college was a natural step in the progression of Matt and Amanda's relationship, and it also assured them their marriage would be successful, Amanda said.
"We didn't think there was any point in paying for two different places," Amanda said. "If you get two different apartments, you know you'll end up staying at one most of the time, so what's the point?"
Not all couples that cohabitate have definitive plans for marriage. Ball State seniors Josh Perkins and Gail Starlin, who have shared a two-bedroom house for three months, don't see marriage anytime in the near future.
"She stayed at my house or I stayed at her house almost every night," Perkins said. "We spent all our time together. We just wanted to live together."
Whereas some couples experienced heightened tensions once they move in together, Perkins and Starlin fought less often than they had before, Starlin said.
"There is no walking away," Starlin said. "You have to make compromises."
Because Perkins and Starlin knew they'd have to share a bed every night, they learned to confront dilemmas and recover from their squabbles, Perkins said.
Living together let Matt and Amanda share shopping bills, and they didn't have to coordinate schedules in order to spend time together, Thomas said. The situation also made it easy for the couple to have consistent house rules. While some roommates are afraid to be up front with each other about petty annoyances, Matt and Amanda were close enough that they could discuss problems and resolve them, Thomas said.
Knowing when the time is right
Of the 471 Ball State campus apartments (Anthony and Scheidler), more than 20 percent of them are occupied by couples. However, Ball State allows only married couples to live coed, so the level of commitment is high for those students.
A couple must reach a certain point in their relationship before they should move in together, Starlin said.
"It's not a good idea for most couples," she said. "I think moving in is make or break. It just depends on how strong your relationship is and how compatible two people are."
Miles would discourage college/ couples from living together, she said.
"I guess every relationship is different, but from my experience, it's not worth the stress," she said. "I don't think it's a good idea for college, really."
Amanda, on the other hand, thinks the situation can work, she said.
"If you've just been dating someone for a year or less, it's a lot more volatile," she said, "but when you're pretty secure, it's gonna take something really big to break you up."
Couples must have the same goals and expectations in order for cohabitation to work, Adams said, but living together can sometimes help couples with finances and give them more sexual intimacy.
"I think it's probably a good thing for couples who are at least considering marriage," Thomas said. "It makes it ten times harder to hide stuff you usually hide in a relationship: all the dirty laundry and farts."
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