Unbeknownst to many students at Ball State University, the university has provided an extensive Code of Student Rights and Responsibilities on the school's Web site. Included are bereavement policies, grade disputes and disciplinary procedures, to name a few.
However, issues relating to common sense, stupidity, and some important dress code concerns are omitted.
To rectify these omissions, I have contrived a number of amendments that I feel need to be proposed to the administration and added into the Code of Student Rights and Responsibilities.
The introduction to the code says that "this is a living document and will be reviewed and modified as needed" and that suggestions for change from all university constituents are welcome.
Mrs. Gora, I hope you are reading.
Common Sense Amendment I: If a student is driving within two miles of campus, the bass level on their stereo must rate below 7.0 on the Richter scale.
I know it was all the rage in high school to blow a few hundred bucks on speakers, but that phase should have passed by now. Those people turning their heads at you while you drive down McKinley are not impressed by your speakers, they are laughing at you.
Common Sense Amendment II: Students who commute to class via bicycle must be made aware that the Atrium is not the finish line of the Tour de France.
There is no champagne toast waiting for you at class, nor do you earn the right to wear the yellow jersey to be the first one there, so slow down. Nonetheless, I've witnessed two very entertaining wipeouts of bikers speeding down the sidewalk.
Largely because of MTV, it seems the latest styles are to make yourself look as ridiculous as possible to have people notice you. Those absurd rubber boots some girls wear in the rain come to mind. The following dress code amendments could help change things.
Dress Code Amendment I: If a male must grease his legs with Crisco in order to fit into a pair of jeans, they are too tight.
Based on the grimaces and painful faces on the guys who wear them, it's obvious they cannot be comfortable. I realize that they are just being different, much akin to the millions of other "emo" kids.
Dress Code Amendment II: Guys who wear Under Armour to class must also wear eye black with a football helmet, stand before class and yell "We Must Protect This House!"
If you decide to dress like kickoff is five minutes after class ends, wouldn't it be practical to at least do some stretching or jumping jacks during the lecture?
Dress Code Amendment III: Guys cannot wear cut-off shirts to class.
I know you're proud of your Japanese tattoo, but hairy armpits are not conducive to a learning environment.
Stupidity Amendment I: If students must tape hundreds of flyers about their friend's birthday on the sidewalks, they may only be posted between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m.
I stopped getting excited about my birthdays around age 10. Strangers were never excited about my birthday, unless my parents paid the people at Chuck E. Cheese to act excited. Do you honestly think that 17,000 strangers care in the very least that your friend is turning 19?
I understand that any amendment and change comes with skepticism, but let me remind you that 16 of the 17 Constitutional amendments have worked out nicely. These six meager propositions could move Ball State into an elite class of colleges.
Danny Davis is a junior journalism major and writes 'You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?' for the Daily News. His views do not necessarily agree with those of the newspaper.
Write to Danny at dsdavis@bsu.edu.
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