Much like an unsightly neck mole placed too high to be hidden with a shirt collar but too low to be plucked clean of its single hair and passed off as a beauty mark, many students have discovered themselves the victims of poor location.
I am referring to those students like me who, due to circumstances beyond their control, are forced to ride the Muncie Indiana Transit System to get to class every day.
Is it our fault the most cost-effective option for housing we could find happens to be built at such an unfortunate distance from campus? The correct answer, of course, is "not so, buckaroo."
For those of us living too far away from school to walk and too close to bother with the hassle that goes into owning a commuter pass, the MITS bus currently offers the only readily available alternative.
I'll restate that point just so everyone out there will be able to comprehend our plight and, hopefully, recognize us MITS-bus-riding students as the neglected red-headed stepchildren of campus transportation we truly are: If you, as a Ball State University student, live too far away to walk to school and cannot afford a commuter pass, your only remaining option is to climb aboard a large metal rectangle of depression on wheels and pray your immune system keeps on its toes until you reach your stop.
And believe me, if there were another option, I'd take it - any other option at all. If a mad scientist came to my apartment and told me he had figured out a way to get me to class without riding the MITS bus, but it would involve draining my entire body of blood and transfusing it with Tabasco sauce, I would look him squarely in his good eye and tell him, "I think my neighbors have some Tabasco sauce, put your iguana-chicken in the bathroom and let's get to work!"
I must at least commend the people at MITS for trying. They do, after all, provide a valuable service to the city - and doing so at no charge to students is a very nice gesture. So please, don't let the fact that I would gladly donate my own head to the Department of Biology if it could keep me from ever boarding a MITS bus again lead you to believe I have a low opinion of the bus system.
In fact, by upgrading the entire bus fleet to offer the latest and greatest in bussing technology, MITS has done a lot to challenge the association of public transit with low class.
But was the money well-spent?
Among the many features of the upgraded MITS buses are: stadium seating - because having a bird's-eye view of the people working cohesively to create the cornucopia of body odor being circulated in the ventilation system is clearly what the people want.
Another improvement is the a computer-generated voice that reminds bus riders of upcoming stops, bus etiquette and seasonal holiday jargon. For those of you thinking such a feature might be overkill, rest assured: It is.
Perhaps more importantly, though, the new artificial intelligence system represents the most significant factor to consider when calculating the odds of a MITS driver snapping and jerking the bus into a ditch at full speed. I mean, the drivers were already wading through the same city traffic for eight hours straight with no radio, stopping on demand for every pretentious student and drunk Muncie bum filing on and off the bus without a nod of attention directed toward the drivers as it was. Do we really need to lock them in a box with a computer program blaring the most mind-numbing cycle of artificial politeness in Dolby 6.0 surround sound while we're at it?
I guess what I'm trying to say, folks, is ride at your own risk. I, on the other hand, am going to take my chances with the Tabasco sauce.
Write to Lance at lmvaillancou@bsu.edu
Read More
Three Air Jam teams take home the win
October 12, 2012Nineteen teams shimmied, shook and flipped for a sold out John R. Emens Auditorium on Thursday night during the 25th annual Air Jam.
Bill Clinton Speaks at North Central High School
October 12, 2012Former President's Speech Could Have Effect on State Senate Race
