Today's science topic is change. As we ponder the creation of the universe, the delicate balance of life and a song by Chaka Khan, we discover that everything changes, whether we like it or not. We have concrete scientific examples supporting the theory of constant change such as evolution, aging and the lead singer of Van Halen.
However, there is also evidence indicating the contrary, that things stay the same whether we like it or not: gas prices, the lyrics to boy band songs and the undeniable fact that everything we own is blue.
Quick math: According to the Pantone Color Institute, 35 percent of Americans say that blue is their favorite color. The U.S. Census says that, as of July 21, the population of the United States is 293,795,522. Therefore, blue is the favorite color of 102,884,432.7 Americans.
Let's put it into perspective for those of us who spent our time in AP Calculus folding paper birds. Suppose there are two parties, each being thrown on a different date. To the first, everyone whose favorite color is blue would be invited; to the second, the entire population of Montana. The first party would not only have more attendees, but the attendees would be infinitely cooler (excluding, of course, people invited to both parties, in which case all Montana jokes are null and void).
I am one of the proud many who holds a lifetime invitation to the first party. My infatuation with blue dates all the way back to 1987, the magical year in which I attended preschool at Middleville Christian Reformed Church and cried when I did not receive a blue clothespin from which to hang my finger painting. Around the same time, I developed my first and last celebrity crush, the great Gonzo of "The Muppets," who, as we all know, is blue. Also, I started talking at 10 months, and, although I cannot confirm this, I believe it was because I was eager to inform my mother that I no longer wished to wear pink clothing.
As the years passed, blue and I shared small victories. In 1995, we rejoiced together when it replaced light brown as an M&M color. Together, in 1998, we succeeded in wooing the highly-coveted John Dombrowski at the 10th grade dance. In 1999, we celebrated a well-deserved tribute in the form of Eiffel 65's "Blue (Da Ba Dee)," which we sang over and over and over and, not to mention, over with our best friend Danielle, who thought it was incredibly hilarious to replace the word "blue" with "ugly."
But I am meandering away from today's science topic (which is change, in case you, like I, have completely forgotten). As Sheryl Crow once sang, "A change will do you good." My question is: What for? The excitement of something new and different is unnecessary when you have found perfection. I've found something I like and, like 102,884,432.7 other people in this great nation, I'm sticking with it. Others, namely Elizabeth Taylor, would do well to follow our example.
Blue lovers, we must stand together and defy change. We shouldn't be ashamed -- it's not like we're from Montana. After all, the first party is our party, and we'll wear blue if we want to.
I wonder if John Dombrowski will be there.
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