Blender claims that it is the ultimate music magazine.
The monthly tried to prove it by releasing its "50 Worst Songs of All Time" list, which as any record-collecting, elitist hipster could tell you, is no minor undertaking.
Some critics (this columnist) would argue that the first 50 singles on the Billboard Hot 100 chart at any one time could be the 50 Worst Songs of All Time. But Blender decided instead to take the conventional list-making route and sorted through decades of used bins to find the true dregs of the recording industry. +â-è
Of course, lists like these (and those annoyingly ubiquitous countdowns on VH1) are compiled to start arguments. Still, Blender's woefully misconceived list ignored legitimately awful songs (B2K, Yellowcard, Chingy) while unfairly lambasting trite one-hit wonders and kitschy classics.
The first issue: "The Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel came in at 42. That's one spot worse than "Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker. (One of the 50 Worst Artist Names of All Time?) That's eight spots worse than Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On," which inexplicably came in at 50. Blender claims the lyrics of "The Sound of Silence" are too self-important and pretentious. Yet the magazine didn't seem to think anything is wrong with Pink mumbling, "Once I fed the homeless, I'll never forget / The look upon their faces as I treated them with respect" in "My Vietnam." Hmm.
Years of writing era-defining songs should afford Paul Simon a break. Besides, the harmonies in "The Sound of Silence" are some of the duo's (and music history's) tightest. Also, they didn't name themselves after the color of their hair.
Blender's errors continue: R.E.M. comes in at 35 with "Shiny, Happy People," which is perhaps the legendary Athens-based band's catchiest song. So Michael Stipe, Mike Mills and Peter Buck refuse to play the song in concert; still, no R.E.M. song could be worse than "Rico Suave" by Gerardo or "Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex. Unfortunately, Blender thought so, with those messes coming in at 37 and 38, (dis)respectively.
Blender redeems itself, though, with the worst 25, the only part of the list that's hard to dispute. Still, here the magazine included "Party all the Time" by Eddie Murphy and "Ice, Ice Baby" by You-Know-Who, two songs no party (or ironic) mix should exclude. Blender also called out Linda Perry and 4 Non Blondes for writing "What's Up?" Sure, these songs might have been ridiculous and self-satisfying, but it's clear they require a sense of humor. After all, thousands of songs, such as "She Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd or "Perfect" by Simple Plan induce vomiting much more readily than Vanilla Ice's ode to himself. And Eddie Murphy's "Party all the Time" addresses a significant socio-cultural problem -- some girls spend too much time in clubs and never bring their love home. The song is tragic, like a Shakespearian sonnet.
So compiling this list was arbitrary and difficult, sure. And it was meant merely for entertainment. And it gives people (this columnist) something to argue. But it also lets people re-evaluate their own favorite songs and make their own lists while criticizing rich, famous people with pretension and self-importance that would make Paul Simon blush. Because you know we all know better than they do.
Write to Allyn at aswest@bsu.edu
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