From: Cobb, Kevin L.
To: Madonna; Britney; Cher; Tammi Faye Baker; Rosie; Judy Garland; Elton John; The Village People; The Cast of Golden Girls
Cc: Dubya; Jerry Fallwell; Mom; members of the media
Subject: I quit.
I'm here, I'm queer, and please just take it back. I promise that I will give back the toaster oven, the membership card and stop claiming my discount at Express. I've had it. The entire being gay thing is so over. It seems that people have taken a good thing and have overdone it -- kinda like "Ice, Ice Baby," -- "word to your mother"-style.
Everywhere I look it's Fab Five this, gay marriage that, and everyone expects me to be the poster boy for the movement. Don't get me wrong; I love my people, but it's getting to be too much. I really just want to stop caring about my nonexistent six-pack, and just to let you know, I don't care where you put that vase. And by the way, your boyfriend is gay.
There really hasn't been a major event that has made me want to change my ways, but instead, it's because of the overexposure of gay men in the media. Steven Cojocaru and his tangy straightening iron, please go away. Let me head off your next questions; no, I'm not giving up being gay for Lent, and no, I'm not going back into the closet.
My wit has run dry and so has my hair gel.
The Fab Five are even in the lineup to be at the opening of the Super Wal-Mart in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. If someone doesn't stop their ways, there soon won't be straight men for them to make over, and then what? Will gay men start to cannibalize themselves? Queer Eye for the Not-So-Good Gay Guy -- please take Bruce Vilanche.
Rosie was just married yesterday in San Francisco. I have a feeling that the image straight guys have of two women kissing doesn't match up to the spit swapped by Rosie and her wife. Who knows, gay marriage may even boost the economy, with Versace and Gucci sleeveless tuxedo coats flying off the shelves. Gay men would throw fabulous receptions with ice sculptures that urinate Cristal and give away imported rare birds as wedding presents. Donna Summer and Patti Labelle would never be out of work again, but all this seems not as trendy anymore, kinda like your mom knowing all the words to "Milkshake." When the queen of nice gets married, it becomes the knock-off brand -- still good, but not as edgy.
And with this e-mail I just wanted to let you know: please take me off the mailing list. I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to Fire Island this year. Do take pictures, though. As I hoist my proverbial picket sign above my head, I don't know whether my arms or my resolve will give out first. My protest will end either when the gay wave is over or when the fall clothing lines come in.
Lastly, I'm tired of people judging me. Please leave that for someone more experienced.
Read More
Three Air Jam teams take home the win
October 12, 2012Nineteen teams shimmied, shook and flipped for a sold out John R. Emens Auditorium on Thursday night during the 25th annual Air Jam.
Bill Clinton Speaks at North Central High School
October 12, 2012Former President's Speech Could Have Effect on State Senate Race
