Even though conversations about President Blaine Brownell'srecent resignation have dipped to a murmur, I keep getting the samequestion.
"Why don't you write about Brownell?" people ask, frothing atthe mouth, clawing at my clothes and throwing underwear at me asthough I'm Tom Jones.
I shrug and say, "What's to write?"
"Come on, you know you want to," they say while turning topassers-by and trying to sell fake Rolex watches out of theirtrenchcoats.
"No, really, there's nothing to say," I protest.
"King, you pansy," they say while giving me a wedgie.
"Fine, I'll write the thing. Put me down," I say.
Here's the skinny:
Prior to Brownell's resignation, The Star Press of Muncie cited"a professor -- who asked not to be identified -- close to thetrustees," who accused Brownell of excessive travel to places suchas Nepal and Korea.
Because he didn't want to be identified, we'll call theprofessor "Deep Throat."
Deep Throat was the only one originally alleging anything in asea of people defending Brownell's integrity, but Deep Throat wasenough -- those rumors of travel abuse were nasty.
(Here I would love to make a joke about John Sununu, White HouseChief of Staff under President Reagan, who abused his travelprivileges using government aircraft for personal traveling -- butaside from the name "Sununu," there really is no joke.)
Brownell's wife, Mardi, publicly denied any wrongdoing on thepart of her husband. Not that anyone heard her over the rumormill.
According to one such rumor, the Board of Trustees was unhappywith Brownell's performance, even though no one went on recordsaying so.
Well, Deep Throat went on record with The Star Press, notingthat Brownell did not receive a pay raise this year, which makeshim the first Ball State president in 18 years to be deniedone.
Brownell remains the lowest-paid university president amongMid-American Conference schools, making slightly more than $206,000a year. Not that you can't live on $206,000.
In Muncie, with money like that, a guy could live comfortablyand even build a fire with piles of crumpled hundred-dollar bills(not all the time, but sometimes, to show off or something).
Brownell, demonstrating an uncanny disregard for bad timing,then resigned amid the rumors and announced that he had taken a jobwith an international higher education consortium.
Explaining Brownell's new job to casual readers is akin toshowing a dog a card trick, so suffice to say, Brownell will bepaid to think.
This, friends, is the American Dream. Do not fault a man forpursuing a thinking job.
When asked to address these rumors specifically, Brownell andthe Board of Trustees have declined comment, and with ears plugged,have basically chanted, "La-la-la-la, we can't hear you."
So, aside from speculation and statements such as "I heardsomething was amiss," and "Yeah, he's cool, I'm happy for him," theworld is quiet.
We are left with rumor and uninformed speculation in the wake ofthese bizarre events.
But people do wonder. They search the skies for that glimmer ofhope -- that vapor trail of truth that can deliver us from our ownmisinformation -- or something.
In dark times, we must hang on, for only anonymous sources caninform us now.
Thank God for Deep Throat.
Write to John at kingseyeland@bsu.edu
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