If you wear a worn denim jacket or drop the right names while browsing in a record store, you can effortlessly fool any passive passerby into thinking you're a hip rock 'n' roller.
But, if you want acceptance in true music aficionados' circles, you'll have to be versed and tried in an eclectic set of the great "cool" records.
You'll need to establish credibility -- not based on your individual character or merit, of course, but entirely on your tastes. It's WHAT you like, not what you ARE like.
So, following are the eight essential records that should be the beginnings of your collection. Accompanied by a bit of well-planned posturing, all you'll have to do is display each one of these albums in your home, apartment or car. Coolness will ensue.
First, you'll need a good foundation. "Doolittle" by The Pixies is a great start. Not only did The Pixies influence Nirvana, who then influenced the current neo-grunge radio schlock tsunami, but also, they were good.
It's also important to prove you have diverse tastes. So, you'll need to own a copy of "Songs in the Key of Life" by Stevie Wonder. Remember: You don't have to like this album, but the fact that you own it is enough to impress.
You'll want to establish "indie cred," and a copy of "Slanted and Enchanted" by Pavement proves you have it. This record inspired millions of white guys who really couldn't sing to start bands, but no one has done it better. Get it.
You have to love the classics. This is the easy part. Not only will these records add to your mystique, you might actually enjoy listening to them. First, buy "The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust" by David Bowie. Also, memorize some of his lyrics and use them as AIM or MSN Messenger screennames.
Then, complement that record with "London Calling" by The Clash. This is a timely record as well, since Joe Strummer (singer and guitarist) recently died. If anyone asks about this album, sigh and stare vacantly past him or her. Then, mumble, "He will be missed."
To round out the "classic" section of your collection, you'll need The Velvet Underground's "White Light/White Heat." While The VU was one of history's most influential bands, this record is not particularly great. You'll be revered for owning it though, because it proves you acknowledge genius even if you can't stand listening to it.
You'll need to be hip to the trends, too, so purchase The White Stripes' self-titled first record. Also, when talking about it to your fellow collector nerd, always say, "Yeah, their new stuff is okay, but man, I love the old stuff." It's cool to love the old stuff.
Then, you absolutely must get The Debut Record of The Next Big Thing -- but make sure you own it first. Buy every alternative music magazine and scour the pages for mention of the next "it" band, and when you've got a beat on a certain group, get to Best Buy before anyone else can. Hint: It's The Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
Those are the basics. Collect the records, grow your hair and get a few pairs of tight vintage pants. No one will be the wiser. Cool will be yours.
Good luck.
Write to Allyn at aswest@bsu.edu
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