Six years ago, Whitni Jentes wrote a letter every day to her then-boyfriend Dan Jentes for 13 weeks. Now married to Dan Jentes, Whitni Jentes may have to write letters again if her husband is called to duty.
Like many students, Whitni Jentes, a doctoral student, has experienced long distance relationships. Now some of those couples are dealing with an added element to their relationship -- one of them going to war.
Dan Jentes, a corporal, is in the reserves for the Marines.
Though he doesn't know if or when he will be called to duty, he has been prepared for war ever since Sept. 11, Dan Jentes said.
"It's hard because you can't plan," Whitni Jentes said. "It's unknown and it's scary."
The Jenteses have had to spend time apart over the past six years. For two weeks every summer, Dan Jentes must go to training and has drill weekend once a month in Terre Haute.
Dan Jentes will have to leave late Friday or early Saturday morning for Terre Haute, so the Jentes will only be able to celebrate Valentine's Day with a dinner, Whitni Jentes said.
If she has to deal with a long distance relationship again, Whitni Jentes said she already knows how to cope.
"I'll shore up on friends and family," Whitni Jentes said. "We're comforted because apparently they're going to have e-mail contact this time, something they haven't allowed before."
Lee VanDonselaar, a psychologist at the Counseling Center, said having meaningful people around is a good way to cope.
"About 25 to 40 percent of people that come in our door have a relationship problem," VanDonselaar said. "About a third of them are long distance relationships."
Not all people find it hard to be in a long distance relationship, though.
"Long distance actually makes it easier to keep it at a good level," freshman Katherine Hokenson said. "You don't get irritated, and when you see each other, you're actually happy to see each other."
Hokenson's boyfriend is attending film school at Columbia College in Chicago.
Hokenson said that although they have only been dating for two months, they have been friends for a year, which makes the distance easier.
"I know him; I trust him," Hokenson said.
The Jenteses lack the certainty that Hokenson has, however.
"We're playing it by ear. We don't know a whole lot," Whitni Jentes said.
Though it is uncertain whether Dan Jentes will be called, all reserves have been told to expect war.
"(The Marines) have acted very intentionally with the men," Whitni Jentes said. "They treated even the families as if there will be war."
Families have been trained on what to do with finances and were told about sources provided by the government.
With the threat of her husband being sent to war, it's best not to think about what might happen, Whitni Jentes said.
"I try not to worry about things that aren't happening. It's not helpful," Whitni Jentes said.
Instead, she finds it better not to focus on negative thoughts.
"I find myself getting behind my husband and country no matter what my opinions are because my role is supporter," Whitni Jentes said. "I'm a fan of (my husband)."
Though Hokenson doesn't have to worry about her boyfriend being called into duty, she still has to find ways to keep in contact.
"Thank God for instant messenger," Hokenson said. "We communicate by phone and e-mail and we see each other every other week on average."
VanDonselaar also believes effective communication is another way for couples to cope with being apart.
"Having a plan on how often and how you will communicate is important," VanDonselaar said. "Also ask if you're going to date other people or not and talk about your feelings."
VanDonselaar also suggested that couples don't become wrapped up in each other.
"There needs to be an appropriate balance of dependence and independence," VanDonselaar said.
Hokenson understands the need for independence.
"Sometimes I miss him a lot, but you have to keep things under control," Hokenson said. "I don't want it messing with school and he doesn't want that for me either."
VanDonselaar also said it's important for couples to be on the same page as to where the relationship is, trusting each other and be willing to take risks.
"You need to be willing to accept change because it's more likely in a long distance relationship," VanDonselaar said.
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