Classical Geek Theatre: World-domination board game conquers all

Armed forces from Alaska move into Russia while troops stationed in the southern United States capture Mexico. In a matter of minutes, Middle Eastern territory trades hands four times. No, it isn't President Bush's second term - it's Risk: The World Conquest Game!

For me, Risk has been a true icon in my college experience. As I understand it, the game has been equally important to a number of college students for more than 40 years. On more than one occasion have I had a nostalgic, balding, middle-aged man tell me about how he nearly flunked out of college because of Risk.

Perhaps the most miraculous thing about Risk is that it was brought to us by the French. Albert Lamorisee, a French film director, invented the game in 1955. The irony of the French inventing a world conquest game should not escape you.

Risk made its way to the States in 1959, and college students have been conquering the world ever since.

As most of you readers probably know, the game is simple. There is a world map with 42 territories, all of which are occupied by all the player's armies. Players attack their neighbors, resolving combat with dice rolls. (The odds are slightly in favor of the attacker.) Players get a few more armies at the start of every turn, but capturing countries grants a player cards, with which he can trade in to get larger quantities of reinforcements. The first player to own the entire map wins.

Simple, right?

I have a special group of guys I play with. There are three of us (myself included) that are "the regulars." We weasel our friends into being guest players, though two out of three games, the regulars are the last three men standing. We are familiar with each other's playing style, and that makes us less threatening to each other. I know Bruce wants Asia, I know Blackledge wants Australia and they know that I like to start in Africa. Those are strategic invariables. Most of the time.

You see, it is important to play Risk with friends. This is because you have to lie, cheat and steal. You have to make promises and break them. You have to burn your friends' bridges, sleep with their wives, and then brag about it. It is the only way to win. You have to play with friends, because friends understand why it is important to lie: because winning is everything.

I can't quite say what makes Risk such a wonderful game. The rules have barely changed since its invention, though lots of wonderful variants (such as Avalon Hill's Risk: 2210 AD) do exist.

Whatever it is, it is true of all board games. Be it chess, backgammon, Kill Dr. Lucky or Star Wars Statego, there is a certain kind of magic associated with the rainy-day pastime.

Video games are great. They are a favorite hobby of mine. Online videogaming is even better. But there is something special about board games. It is sitting around a table with real-live people, in-person, and interacting. No artificial intelligence can substitute for that.

Besides, where is the fun in backstabbing your computer?