Jerry Seinfeld once told a joke about how he doesn't like to watch soda ads because the people are always having so much fun in them.
That's one of the reasons I don't particularly enjoy watching the MTV or E! Entertainment Television Spring Break or party specials. There's something much too depressing about watching beautiful people living it up while you're sitting alone on the couch wondering what you're going to do with your day.
Spring Break finished up about a month ago at Ball State and is winding down throughout the rest of the country. That means the annual MTV charades in the tropics are about to come to end.
This year I went to New York City for a journalism convention during Spring Break. New York is one of my favorite cities to visit, and I had good time in spite of the rain and cool weather.
I have never been to hot spot for break, though. I tend to be a pretty down-to-earth guy, and during my vacations I like to take it easy. But the MTV specials make it tempting.
I purposely don't watch MTV much during the Spring Break season. Occasionally, though, as I'm flipping through the channels, the voyeur in me will stop for a little while and take in the sights with grotesque fascination.
On MTV Spring Break there are no rainy days, no hangovers and few unattractive people. It's perhaps the most idealized world of fun currently on television.
I don't doubt that students have a blast when they travel to Florida or Jamaica or Cancun. I don't doubt they quaff down alcohol like water. But there is something disturbing about being so proud of all this.
I recently heard a colleague of mine mention that MTV, and its Spring Break specials in particular, make America's college students look like free-spending, arrogant fools.
I don't want to sound like a prude. I enjoy watching pretty women strolling on the beach. Pretty women strolling on the beach are nice. Pretty women wallowing in guacamole, however, are disgusting.
Only MTV can pull pull off a public-service gimmick one day, like running a list of hate-crime victims for 17 consecutive hours, and on the next show footage of a guy leaping into a pool full of raw sewage.
Long gone are the days when music (or at least good music) dominated the network. If MTV's usual daytime programming plays out like one extensive promotion for teenyboppers, then Spring Break is like a commercial for ridiculous excess.
Spring Break gimmicks, such as draping yourself in whipped cream, joining in on a human burrito and getting doused with beer, are part of an emerging tradition in bad taste that has led up to the "Girls Gone Wild" series.
That's not to say I don't have a few guilty pleasures myself. I enjoy watching WWF, and "South Park" is one of my favorite television shows. There's a certain amount of talent and love that goes into leaping from a 15-foot ladder without killing yourself or the guy you're jumping on. MTV Spring Break is little more than an exercise in self-degradation.
MTV, as well as the "Girls Gone Wild" tapes, are the perfect forums for people who are prone to insisting they couldn't remember a thing when someone tells an embarrassing story about them being drunk.
One can only imagine the shock they feel when the footage of them strolling topless through a crowd of inebriated 20-somethings pops up. I personally detest the people who cast themselves as victims in these types of situations, especially when the videotape shows them staring directly into the camera.
I classify these with the same type of individuals who sue the tobacco companies because they got cancer after a lifetime of smoking. The warning signs were printed prominently on the pack, but they continued lighting up. The college women saw the lens, but they continued lifting their shirts.
I'm happy to live in nation where people have every right to make jackasses out of themselves. I'm just sad to live in a society where people are more than happy to oblige.
Write to Robert at rclopez@bsu.edu
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