Pending grad considers staying longer

I'm almost ready to graduate. Before I leave, however, I thought I would try to impart some of my knowledge upon the next generation of eager scholars.

Here are just a few fast facts to help you along with your education.

Fact No.1 -- Dining Services has taught me all the different ways you can serve cod. You can have baked cod, fried cod, cod strips, cod sandwich, and my personal favorite, scrod cod. Anyone who has lived on campus knows I'm not making that last one up.

I guess the dining halls have some kind of fishy prejudice against all the other seafood of the world. Ball State loves to talk about diversity, but where's the diversity in our fried fish? Down with cod! Power to the bluegill!

Fact No. 2 -- Art majors and architecture majors may not seem that different, but they are. Want proof? I'm sure you've seen a poor art student lugging a 50-pound tackle-box and monstrous portfolio across campus on a cold, rainy day. During windy weather, an art portfolio becomes a huge wind-sail full of nude drawings.

Meanwhile, you never see architecture students with much more than a slide rule in their backpack. This is because architecture majors enjoy the luxury of such things as workspace and storage in their classrooms.

Even though art majors are working on projects that are often the size of small barns, they must lug their work across campus, up and down stairs and through the elements.

The art department did receive the new Art and Journalism Building and it does have lockers, but the art department faculty outsmarted this system: They just assigned even larger projects.

Oh well, at least we're getting some exercise.

Fact No. 3: You shouldn't take night classes unless you have to. There's something very unholy about still being in class at 9 p.m. while everybody else is at home, watching "The Chamber." Well, that's unholy too.

My sophomore year, I made the mistake of enrolling in History 150 on Wednesday nights. After nearly three straight hours of intense note-taking, my pencil would be down to a nub between bleeding fingers. I'd spend the rest of my Wednesday evening with my right hand on ice and with obscure facts about the Prussian War swimming around in my head.

So, I'm hoping all of these lessons are going to help me out there in the "real world." Unfortunately, the economy isn't exactly in the best condition to receive us college graduates with loving arms. Right now, I just hope I get a job so I can pay off my student loan, which is large enough to rival the national debt of Luxembourg. With the job market as it is, I think there are really only three options for a liberal arts major: ditch-digger, Wal-Mart greeter, or hitman. Right now I'm considering ditch-digging, but we'll see.

It almost would be nice to stick around for another year -- you know, to wait out the recession. It's a strategy of sorts. So there's my last bit of advice: When in doubt, stay in school for a couple of extra years. It's the Ball State way.


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