The Center for Disease Control released a report on Feb. 2 that said "an estimated 3.3 million women between the ages of 15 and 44 years are at risk of exposing their developing baby to alcohol because they are drinking, sexually active, and not using birth control to prevent pregnancy. ... Health care providers should advise women who want to become pregnant to stop drinking alcohol as soon as they stop using birth control."
Bri Kirkham is a senior telecommunications and journalism news major and writes "Miss Brihavin" for the Daily News. Her views do not necessarily agree with those of the newspaper. Write to Bri at bmkirkham@bsu.edu.
When the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released its statement a couple weeks ago advising women who aren’t on birth control to abstain from alcohol, I, for one, was relieved.
“Whew! Thank God,” I said to no one. “One less thing I have to worry about!”
Honestly, who knows what I would do with my body if I didn’t have the government’s advice? I would most likely be face-down, naked and dead in a ditch without the recommendations of complete strangers.
Now, it’s important for all federal and government agencies to follow the CDC’s lead.
I didn’t get my flu shot this year, and I’m really counting on the Federal Drug Administration to tell me what to do about it.
Should I cut off all human interaction? Should I board up my windows and never leave the house again? Should I eat my roommate’s cat?
All this thinking is exhausting.
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I’m also concerned about preserving water, and the Environmental Protection Agency hasn’t given me any instructions. Without its say-so, I’m left to my own devices (HELP!)
Approximately how many times should I reuse my bath water, EPA? Boiling my toilet water makes it OK to cook with, right? My girl emotions are clouding my judgment, ugh…
And don’t even get me started with the Department of Education.
Riddle me this DOE, if you really want to tackle campus sexual assault, why don’t you just advise women against going to college? We’re idiots! Just tell us what to do and we’ll do it!
The CDC seems to be the only agency comfortable enough to give us gals some free advice. Now, some may argue that it’s unwarranted, but come on, ladies… Why wouldn’t we want someone to make all our decisions for us?
Let’s face it: we’re overly emotional, irresponsible and unreliable. I mean, my girl brain is honestly just running on fumes as I continue to write this.
I hope the CDC doesn’t stop here. Can they give me fashion advice, too? Boy advice? The CDC should totally start its own advice column!
Hopefully someday I, and women everywhere, can count on a government that completely controls everything we do, say and think. Until that day, I’ll just stand idly by, waiting, hoping and longing for the sweet bliss of complete dictatorship.
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