Why I don’t care that you’re single

I don’t really like ambiguous introductions so I’m going to get to the point in a way that would make Buzzfeed’s collective staff’s of head spin. 

Just stop it, people. Stop cracking jokes about how single you are. Stop complaining that you’re single. And definitely stop showing off how much you love your independence like it’s your first-born child. 

Reason why? Your relationship is not for social media. I learn more about people’s personal lives from subtweets and a little bit of investigation than I do from anyone that’s ever confided in me.  

You don’t need to prove to the world that your significant other is the greatest thing since spray cheese, which, let’s be honest, is pretty hard to beat.  

More importantly, though, it can also show how desperate you are for human interaction. And, what’s that? Other people don’t respond well to that kind of mindset? Well, yeah. 

Secondly, the jokes. I see little quips about being single all the time. Hey, even I can appreciate a little self-deprecating humor. 

But when it comes to laughing at your single-ocity, you come off as trying a little too hard. You might put up a picture with the caption: “Look at this dorky picture of me. How in the WORLD am I still single? Heh heh.” 

The rest of the world just sees, “I cry myself to sleep at night while clutching my Daniel Craig shaped body pillow.” 

Confidence is key, y’all. Not the falsified confidence about qualities you don’t actually possess.  

And it’s not just me. In a Psychology Today article by Dr. Leslie Sokol, cited believing in your own desirableness as one of the main strategies on attracting others to you. 

See? Even science hates your jokes. 

And then there’s the worst category of the single status updates. The “I’m so happy I’m single” shtick. To understand why, just let me paint you a tragic tale of high school Danielle. 

High school Danielle really liked This One Guy. This One Guy said he liked her too. The next day, This One Guy didn’t. It’s a sad type of story and practically any adolescent or young adult can relate to it. 

The thing that makes it worse is if This One Guy or That One Girl constantly preached to the world how much they absolutely love being single. In the words of comedian Mitch Hedberg, “I don’t have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.” 

So maybe I’m just bitter. Or maybe I’m out of touch after being in a long relationship. But before you post that next picture or see a happy couple smiling at each other and feel a twinge of uncomfortable emotion, think before you shoot off a complaint into the realm of the Internet. 

How does it look to other people? And how could it affect another person’s feelings?  

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