It was around 2 a.m. in February 2008 when Judy Proctor heard the stereo in her son Andrew’s bedroom still booming. She knew something wasn’t right.
She went upstairs to his room to find that Andrew had died by suicide.
“It was typical for Andrew to go up to his room close his door and listen or play music,” she said.
Earlier that day Proctor said he was angry because someone had shattered the windshield of his car.
She last saw him sweeping up the glass. Afterward he went up to his room and slammed the door.
In the days following his death, Proctor had the support of her family and friends, but that did little to fill the gap left in her life.
“You can’t function, it never goes away,” she said. “There is always a hole in your heart because there is only that spot for that person. If you love them, that hole will always be there.”
Judy said Andrew was a deep thinker and a sensitive man.
“He appreciated people for who they were, he looked far beyond outward appearances,” she said.
After Andrew died, one of his brothers and a few of his cousins got tattoos in memory of him and they promised each other they would never let this happen to them.
However one of the cousins, Mike Chapman, would end up dying by suicide at the age of 29. He was a firefighter and paramedic. He left behind a wife and two-year-old daughter.
“Sometimes it’s beyond your control, you need to get the help when you need the help,” she said.
Suicide is not a conscious decision, as many consider it, but it is an illness, Proctor said.
Proctor said parents and those who have suffered a suicide loss should look for support groups, but only when they are ready.
She started her own support group in April 2013 called “Hope and Healing Support.” The group meets the second Thursday of every month at Saint Mark Catholic School Media Center.
Proctor has been involved with the Alive Campaign for four years. She said it felt like she knew everybody the first time she participated in the walk because everyone was there for the same reasons.
“Get help if you need help, don’t be ashamed to ask for it,” Proctor said.
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