Science of relationships

What’s in the chemistry of love?

When it comes to romantic relationships, love is not the only deciding factor. There’s a little science behind a couple’s chemistry.

Age, class, education, race, and religion can also shape how lovers get along.

Scott Hall, associate professor of family and consumer sciences, said people typically gravitate toward partners who have similar demographic traits.

“When you’re talking about core values and what you want out life, opposites can make it difficult,” Hall said.

Melinda Messineo, associate professor of sociology, said people normally stay within their comfort zones when finding a significant other, making college a natural grounds for match-making.

“You tend to form relationships with people who you have regular contact with and share a physical space with,” Messineo said.

Does the old phrase, “opposites attract” hold any weight? Some studies suggest there’s still a little truth to it.

According to a 2013 study by Columbia University, couples with too many similarities had trouble with compatibility. The study found the couples who had a healthy mixture of similarities and differences were the happiest.

However, there can be too much of a good thing. Too many differences can spur future fights once the honeymoon phase settles.

In a recent study of eHarmony’s compatibility matching system, researchers found that while opposites were initially attracted to one another, they tended to resent each other later in the relationship over their differences.

The social butterfly eventually clashes with their introverted counterpart and the clean freak begins to squabble their messy partner.

For an opposite couple to stay strong, Messino said they need to learn the “hidden rules,” of each other’s demographics.

“For example, people who come from wealth will have different expectations about parenting and the use of leisure time than someone who grew up working class,” Messineo said. “These groups do not always know their hidden rules, so they feel offense and confusion when people violate their expectations.”

However, another issue can get in the way of a couples’ happiness: themselves. In order to get along, individuals first have to defeat their selfishness and make concessions.

“People can be real casual with relationships,” Hall said. “There can be an issue of ‘It’s all about me,’ therefore it can be trickier to be in a relationship where you’re sacrificing and giving up things.”

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