While watching "The Expendables 2," I was reminded about how sports fans rarely like to watch All-Star games these days. All-Star games are rarely interesting or the interest feels very manufactured. The National Football League recently considered discontinuing their "Pro Bowl" due to lack of interest while Major League Baseball had to give home field advantage to the winning league of their All-Star game to generate interest.
This same principal applies to the "Expendables" franchise, while it is a good enough thought to place every action film star from the '80s in one film, in practice, it is boring and uninteresting with too many bloated action sequences and not enough time spent developing even one actually interesting character.
"The Expendables 2" deals with the titular group of super mercenaries, led by Sylvester Stallone, returning again to pull off missions in the way only they can: loud and explosive. In fact, I'm not sure why this group is as coveted as it appears in the film. The film's every mission ends with the group simply blowing up the bad guys rather than pulling off anything that requires any actual skill.
One mission goes poorly and the Expendables find themselves pitted against Vilain (yes, that is his name), a very evil man planning to steal weapons-grade plutonium to rule the world or something like that. Vilain is played by Jean-Claude Van Damme and is maybe one of the most uninteresting villains I have ever seen.
"The Expendables 2" includes the same stars as the go round, with the addition of Chuck Norris and Van Damme while expanding the roles of Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
My problem with this film is how boring it is. There is absolutely no attempt at constructing anything even resembling a plot, the characters aren't the least bit interesting and the dialogue is just miserable.
In fact, the IQ it took to come up with this script is barely enough to even charge the computer I'm writing this review on for half a minute. The only redeeming value of the script is there are some funny self-references by the stars in this film. Van Damme performs his infamous "high kick," and Chuck Norris even has one moment where he tells, wait for it, a Chuck Norris joke. But even these references go on too long, as Schwarzenegger makes a "Terminator" reference with every line he is given.
Another issue is that characters aren't consistent. The only characters worth watching are the ones played by Dolph Lundgren and Terry Crews, who seem to be the only two that understand this film is an extended cartoon. This is contrasted by Stallone and Jason Statham, who play their characters with the grim stand-by of the "tortured action hero," which just gives the film a confusing tone most of the time.
We also receive no information on Vilain. Why is he doing what he's doing? Where did he come from? He just shows up and does evil things, and we are to assume that he's evil. In other words, a very boring stock movie villain who does nothing interesting and can't engage the audience. Compare that with Tom Hardy's Bane from "The Dark Knight Rises," who was a very intriguing villain that captivated me in every scene he was on screen.
"The Expendables 2" is a boring movie that has cartoonish violence, no script, laughable dialogue, uninteresting characters and a terrible villain. This is a film that just doesn't appeal in any way to me. I suppose if you like action and explosions this movie might be for you, but I don't think it's even that appealing to action junkies as the film is blas+â-¬ about the violence presented on screen.
My advice is to skip this movie all together and just rewatch the '80s movies with the stars of "The Expendables 2." Those certainly aren't all great films (some are) but at least the movies are watchable and entertaining, unlike this clunky all-star mashup.
"The Expendables 2" receives 1.5/5 stars.
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