A "State of Ball State University" address:
My fellow Cardinals,
Everything is fine.
Even under the grey skies of another chilly Indiana March, Ball State soldiers on. The Athletics Department continues to impress us both on the field and off. With a departmental restructuring all over our newspaper, a bowl game played in another country attended by more than 2,000 students and the swift and public purgation of many of our fine student athletes because of NCAA-banned substance use, Ball State is gaining national notoriety as an institution devoted to all of the right things: namely, athletics. By this time next year, people nationwide may even stop snickering at the mention of the Harvard of the Midwest.
By this time next year, all of the local media attention brought to the "Little department that could" may actually pay off in a news story that isn't completely embarrassing to BSU. (By the way, who WAS the top Ball State athlete of Spring Break? I didn't get to make an educated decision in that poll because I was gone on Spring Break.)
My fellow Cardinals, everything is OK.
The Art Department is closer than ever to answering the age-old question, "What IS art?" once and for all. Following the controversial photo displayed in the Art and Journalism Building, the Ball State community asked itself, "Just how naked CAN our pictures be?" and decided that, no, our pictures cannot really be all that naked. Yes, the question of artistic value has been answered here at Ball State by people of every academic discipline, except, of course, the art majors. But keep your brushes to the canvas and your hands to the clay, friends on the fourth floor, because your penchant for dissension and controversy may fill a need somewhere in the country some day. (As long as it's not too much dissension or controversy. It's your role as artists to be the voice of popular opinion, remember?)
My fellow Cardinals, everything is good.
The campus-wide smoking ban has finally taken effect, and the chances of it being more effective than the 30-foot rule were greatly increased by the decision to move the communal ash trays farther than 30 feet from the doors of academic buildings.
Finally, students can stop worrying about their respiratory health and focus on other important things, like which fattening dining hall restaurant to choose for dinner. Priorities are finally coming into place for this East Central Indiana jewel.
My fellow Cardinals, as we, the class of 2008, careen toward our final days in college, it's our responsibility to give ourselves a big pat on the back for the state we're leaving Ball State in. Popular rock n' roll band concerts continue to stream through Emens Auditorium and we are given as many sports stories in our press as we want. But more importantly, on the off chance that something undesirable ever does happen, Ball State weathers the storm with dignity and grace, never lifting an eyebrow.
My fellow Cardinals, everything is wonderful. At least, that's what I hear.
Write to Joel at jtmiller@bsu.edu
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