Uncertainty and self doubt are obstacles many actors face when they rehearse for an upcoming production. At least two actors in the Ball State University production of "Thoroughly Modern Millie" are learning to overcome these obstacles as they prepare for the musical's debut today at Strother Theatre.
Terra Mackintosh learned she won the lead role of Millie Dillmount in "Thoroughly Modern Millie" last spring after the Ball State's annual auditions for the fall musical.
She said she tried to give her all at the auditions but never planned on getting the role.
"I was absolutely terrified," Mackintosh said. "Now I am really going to have to [portray Millie.]"
She said she was familiar with the play because she listened to the soundtrack and saw the national tour. After earning the part, the musical's directors advised her to stop listening to the soundtrack because she was beginning to imitate Millie's originator, Sutton Foster. Thereafter, Mackintosh said she decided to make Millie her own.
"I felt a connection to Millie," Mackintosh said. "I can relate a lot to Millie."
She said she connected to "Millie" because, like many performers at Ball State who will continue to pursue acting, she will have to face what Millie faced going to New York and trying to make it despite uncertainties.
She said her hardest obstacle was finding the realism in Millie. In a "cotton candy" musical, she said, it is hard not only to find the humanity in Millie but also to believe in the world created by the musical because it is such a fluffy show.
While Mackintosh has the lead role every actor aspires to, some of her fellow cast members have roles that no one wants to play.
Michael Warrell had his hopes set on getting the part of Trevor Graydon, Millie's wealthy employer; instead, he was cast in the ensemble and as an understudy for Graydon.
Warrell said there is always something to be learned from being in the ensemble. Although he wears a gracious front and is able to be optimistic about casting, he admits it does hurt the ego when someone else gets the part.
"There is always self-doubt," he said. "If you're not cast in the lead, sometimes you think, 'Was I not good enough for this role?,' but you can't take it in that context."
Despite earning the lead, Mackintosh said even she experiences self-doubt. She said there is a need to prove you are a competent performer because cast members are looking for you to not only prove you are capable of playing the role but capable of playing the role better than them.
"Whenever you get any role, there is 'well are you good enough?' because someone else is thinking 'I could have done it,'" she said. "But what you really have to focus on is how you can make it your own."
To help herself, Mackintosh said she set a nightly goal for herself at rehearsal such as enunciating properly or connecting with her partner.
Despite the doubt both Warrell and Mackintosh face as they near the opening of the musical, the musical's director, Bill Jenkins, said both actors are very talented.
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