In my days as a student, especially in years beyond 8th grade when fellow peers started to develop a sense of sarcasm, I've noticed an abundance of overexaggerating.
Now, I know people are only trying to be humorous and clever when they say something along the lines of, "I'd rather carve out my eyes with a rusty spoon than take this 10-point quiz," but really, that's taking it a little too far. Seriously, it's only a 10-point quiz. It's not that bad.
Take, for instance, this gem I overheard a guy say the other day.
"I'd rather ram a sharp object through my genitals than work on this project anymore."
Wow, OK - ouch. Really? Right through your manhood?
Any time someone mentions harm towards genitalia, I can't help but to think back to a specific fourth-grade basketball practice where a teammate misjudged a bounce pass to me so poorly that it hit me in a spot so hard that my testicles were jettisoned somewhere near my right lung.
I'm all for overexaggerating - it's funny, it blows things out of proportion, it places outrageous images in your head - but there has to be some sort of guideline to follow, one that puts things into perspective more realistically.
With that said, here is my very own spectrum of exaggeration:
Everyday Use - I'd rather have my feet tickled nonstop for a day while holding a political conversation with Fran Drescher than: take a 10-point quiz, walk to class in the snow, eat Thai food, touch Joan Rivers' leathery face.
See, very simple, harmless and useful for everyday situations.
Semi-Regular Drudgery - I'd rather play the game Scene It with Helen Keller for the next year while listening to Michael Moore eat at a buffet catered by KFC than: listen to Asher Lisec's explanation as to why she didn't know David Horowitz was a controversial speaker (good researching there, Lisec - it's called a Google), take a cartography class in Ball State's Geography Department, hold a friend's hair back as he or she pukes at a party after eating chili for dinner.
These are for those times that don't happen but once or twice every week, but suck enough for them to bother you or ruin a good time.
Kill Me Now....Please - I'd rather be forced to watch a full season of the WNBA while listening to John Mellencamp's "This Is Our Country" and being repeatedly punched in the face by the late Andre the Giant than: see Absolunacy try to be funny, watch Napoleon Dynamite again, listen to anyone imitate Napoleon Dynamite, sit through a three-hour night class Powerpoint presentation that's given by the likes of Ben Stein, listen to a student explain his or her conservative viewpoints without sounding like a totally inept idiot.
These are for those times in your life that are so annoying, you'd rather be anywhere else but there.
I Think You're Overexaggerating - I'd rather have my legs chainsawed off while Clay Aiken serenades me to the song "I Will Always Love You" - or if you're a woman, having Pink sing any song to you. These are the exaggerations that cause bodily harm, and are never to be used under any circumstances.
As you can see, exaggeration can be a fun, everyday practice if kept within certain boundaries that don't over emphasize the disparity of the situation.
Or refer to harming the testicles.
Write to Ryan at bsurjsmith@gmail.com.
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