It is fascinating - and frequently depressing - what some legislators find worthy of their time and effort. According to the Associated Press, one South Carolina State representative has quite an unusual crusade.
It is the mission of Republican Ralph Davenport to prevent his state's men and women from buying battery-powered, vibrating pieces of plastic for their nether regions.
Yes, Davenport wants South Carolina to ban the sale of sex toys - just as Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi and Texas have.
The fact that the bill has little support and is likely to die is beside the point. What is relevant and important is that this is another clear example of the right wing, fundamentalist Christian authoritarianism that has risen to such prominence in the GOP.
Do not say these elements of the Republican Party are marginal or powerless. They are the reason Karl Rove called up Focus on the Family leader James Dobson to assure him Harriet Miers was in tune with him and his followers' interests.
In this country, there is a significant number of people who lead powerful, well-financed organizations and interest groups with many goals that can be boiled down to one grand quest: to remake America in their own image by striving to limit freedoms and change the philosophies of their fellow Americans. They want you and me to believe what they believe and live as they live.
This mentality goes straight to the top. Never forget that, according to the Washington Post, we have a president who responded to a Web site that satirized him by saying "There ought to be limits to freedom."
If we hop on a tornado and take a trip to President George W. Bush's dream country, the Conservative States of America, we'll find that everyone's a Christian and goes to church every Sunday. Gays have all been through heterosexual training camps and have triumphed over their ungodly urges. Gay sex is illegal. A Ten Commandments monument sits inside every government building. Virginity is saved until wedding nights. Every mom stays at home to cook, clean the house and raise the kids.
Down at the Mexican border, we've got our own Berlin Wall where the guards shoot to kill. Because we've eliminated Social Security, welfare, Medicare, Medicaid and anything else that has even the faintest hint of socialism, you'll get another tax cut. Rejoice! Now you can buy that sixth gun.
The speed and efficiency of Texas' justice system is replicated nationwide. Each state executes thousands of pieces of human scum every year. We have withdrawn from the United Nations - screw 'em. Those who are unable to support Our Fearless Leader in this time of war are deported to Canada. They're traitors.
The Rapture is right around the corner, so all environmental regulations have been disassembled. What's the point? All citizens allow phone taps and surveillance of their e-mails. What's the problem, unless you've got something to hide?
But is this really an exaggeration? How many Americans would rather live there than here?
I'll just click my heels together: "There's no place like home, there's no place like home." Oops! No Judy Garland references - they're a bit too gay for this fantasy.
All that's left is one final scream to Those Who Lust To Remake Us: The place to begin the holy crusade to purify America is right in the mirror. Once right wing would-be controllers yank that log out of their own eyes, then they can see about dealing with the splinters in ours.
Until that day comes, we will all remain blind.
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