There's no need to beat around the bush here - the Winter Olympics are boring. The events are so dull, only lethargic grunts such as "blah," "meh" and "eh" can describe them. It's the most apathy-inducing event this side of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.
However, every four years, Americans forget the previous Olympics of winter and try to get into the ice and snow spectacular again. But soon after events like curling, snowboarding and speedskating begin, that initial excitement turns to the aforementioned halfheartedness. That "blah" sensation isn't a lack of pride, time to watch or cable coverage.
It's a lack interest - or better yet, a lack of sport. Nothing the Winter Olympics offers, besides hockey, should be classified as a "sport."
The Winter Olympics suffers from what I like to call Professional Wrestling Syndrome, where what is being advertised as a sport isn't a sport: It's entertainment.
In the late 1990s, when it was discovered professional wrestling scripted its shows, World Wrestling Entertainment attempted to save its own image by practically admitting its product was "fake," tagging the organization as sports-entertainment. The concept was to be 50 percent sport and 50 percent entertainment, but it's usually more slanted toward entertainment. When American wrestling fans found out WWE events were partially fake, most dropped it like a bad habit because it wasn't sport - exactly like the Winter Olympics.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting the Winter Olympics are scripted, just that most of the events should not be considered sports.
Let me put it this way: Although everyone involved in the Winter Olympics is an athlete, what those athletes do is entertainment - like a Hulk Hogan wrestling match. Now, Hogan is by all means an athlete, but his wrestling is for audience entertainment - he's not legitimately wanting to beat the crap out of The Rock. You might not care who wins, but you'll still watch because you're waiting for the Big Boot, Leg Drop and ensuing pose down.
Much like Hulk Hogan, United States figure skater John Baldwin is by all accounts an athlete, but you're not watching for the fierce competition. We're watching and waiting for him to miss the triple toe loop and smack his face on the ice - much like a Hogan after-match pose down.
Much like professional wrestling, if there's no entertainment value in the event, a feud is needed to spark interest. Former professional wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin once had a famous feud with his boss, Vince McMahon. They didn't produce the most entertaining matches, but people still watched because of the hatred between the two.
By contrast, we have to travel almost 30 years into the past to find the last instance of a hot Winter Olympic feud that sparked the interest of America. However, in the 1980 Winter Olympics in Lake Placid, N.Y., Americans started to notice hockey a little more. It wasn't gaining popularity, but it was a side story to the Cold War between the United States and USSR - two of the teams in the hockey games. In wrestling terms, a feud was going on, and Americans were soon interested in hockey.
That's why the Winter Olympics will never have a consistent popular audience that watches, because almost nothing that takes place is an actual sport like football, baseball or basketball. The Winter Olympics are seen as entertainment, and if there's no real chance for entertainment - like in curling - or no hot-blooded hatred between countries, we won't watch.
Something needs to be done about the pre-Olympic hype, because without conflict or sport, the "blah" of the Winter Olympics will continue to happen - much like Hogan's returns to wrestling.
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