Critic David Swindle has been hard at work watching the good, the bad and the just plain horrible film projects turned in during the Summer Session. They've been analyzed, scrutinized and ultimately graded. Some of them will need to see Mr. Swindle after class.
SIN CITY – A
Genre: action, crime, thriller, comic book
Rating: R
Director: Robert Rodriguez ("Desperado," "From Dusk Till Dawn") and Frank Miller (creator of the "Sin City" graphic novels)
Cast: Bruce Willis, Clive Owen, Mickey Rourke, Rosario Dawson, Benicio Del Toro, Jessica Alba, Michael Clarke Duncan, Devon Aoki, Brittany Murphy, Josh Hartnett
Plot synopsis: Rodriguez and Miller's adaptation of Miller's series of comic books weaves together three stories. "The Hard Goodbye" tells of tough guy Marv's (Rourke) quest to avenge the murder of a prostitute who was kind to him. "The Big Fat Kill" involves Dwight (Owen) and the prostitutes of Old Town attempting to cover up a murder. And "That Yellow Bastard" features an honest cop (Willis) trying to protect a girl from a sadistic rapist.
Positive reviews from critics (according to www.rottentomatoes.com): 78 percent
My thoughts: Yes, "Sin City" opened at the beginning of April, but then again, so did "The Matrix" in 1999. It's perfectly fair to compare the two films. Both are two explosive movies that "opened" the summer movie season with an overdose of ultra-cool characters and action. Both presented an original look and feel, combining various influences to make something fresh and exhilarating. The two also stand up to repeated viewings. (I saw "Sin City" three times in two days!) Let's just hope, though, that Rodriguez and Miller are more successful with their sequels than the Wachowski brothers were with theirs.
BATMAN BEGINS – A-
Genre: action, drama, comic book
Rating: PG-13
Director: Christopher Nolan ("Memento," "Insomnia")
Cast: Christian Bale, Liam Neeson, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Ken Watanabe, Katie Holmes, Tom Wilkinson, Cillian Murphy
Plot synopsis: "Batman Begins" focuses on the story of Bruce Wayne's transformation from a broken, vengeful young man into the supreme dispenser of justice. In his first adventure, he must thwart a scheme to destroy Gotham city by the mysterious Ra's Al Ghul and the Scarecrow.
Positive reviews from critics: 83 percent
My thoughts: The bar for superhero comic book films keeps getting raised higher. "Batman Begins" is the closest any superhero movie has ever come to a drama. Just take a look at that cast, and you'll see that most of them are no stranger to intense, real dramatic features. Thus, the Batman story receives a depth that it has never seen on the silver screen. We see the ultimate tragedy of the life of Bruce Wayne. The mask is not the black, pointy-eared thing he puts on his head -- the mask is Bruce Wayne. His true identity is Batman. The irresponsible socialite is an illusion. With all this in the background, the movie's action is heavily intensified.
MARCH OF THE PENGUINS – A-
Genre: nature documentary
Rating: G
Director: Luc Jacquet
Cast: Morgan Freeman (narrating), tons of penguins!
Plot synopsis: Emperor penguins in Antarctica make the 70 mile march to their breeding grounds to find a mate. The female lays an egg and passes it to the male, who holds it on his feet and protects it after it hatches. The female returns to the sea to feed and brings back food for the chick. Once the chicks are old enough, they make their way back to the sea.
Positive reviews from critics: 94 percent
My thoughts: "March of the Penguins" creates a unique, intangible feeling about life. We watch the penguins choose a mate. We see the agony of those who were unable to properly transfer the egg from female to male. We watch as a large mass of male penguins, protecting their eggs, clump together in a giant cluster to try to stay warm. We see as the mother penguins are attacked and eaten by predators, and we know that the sea leopard is not only killing the mother but her chick as well, because the chick will starve without its mother.
We see the chicks slowly grow, then an albatross attacks them. And, finally, we see the lucky survivors make their way back to the ocean to feed and return in five years to begin the cycle again. It's fascinating and profound -- a must-see cinematic experience.
THE ISLAND – A-
Genre: action, science fiction
Rating: PG-13
Director: Michael Bay ("The Rock," "Armageddon," "Pearl Harbor," "Bad Boys 2")
Cast: Ewan McGregor, Scarlett Johansson, Steve Buscemi, Sean Bean, Djimon Hounsou, Michael Clarke Duncan
Plot synopsis: As $5 million "insurance policy" clones, Lincoln Six Echo (McGregor) and Jordan Two Delta (Johansson) learn of their true fate -- to be murdered so their organs can be harvested -- and they escape. With the help of a sympathetic employee (Buscemi), they flee and struggle to elude those hired to track them down (Hounsou).
Positive reviews from critics: 39 percent
My thoughts: As one of the lonely priests in the church of film criticism, it's only a matter of time before the Cardinal Ratzinger of movie reviews comes cracking down on me for this serious act of critical blasphemy. Yes, I'm giving a Michael Bay movie an A-. Yes, I'm ranking it above "Revenge of the Sith." Yes, it totally bombed -- a $120 million picture taking in $12.4 million and placing fourth at the box office. But it's a Michael Bay movie in the vein of "The Rock" (one of my absolute favorite action films), not the vein of "Armageddon" or "Pearl Harbor."
We've got great actors, likable characters, dialogue that doesn't make you cringe ("Sith," anyone?) and effective action sequences. It will probably slink out of theaters quickly, but be sure to grab it when it comes out on DVD. I predict this is a movie to which the DVD release will be very kind.
STAR WARS EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH – B+
Genre: action, fantasy
Rating: PG-13
Director: George Lucas
Cast: Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Samuel L. Jackson, Natalie Portman, Ian McDiarmid, Jimmy Smits, Christopher Lee
Plot synopsis: Here we see the powerful Jedi Anakin Skywalker tempted to the dark side of the force by the emperor. Once he is christened Darth Vader, he begins the extermination of the Jedi.
My thoughts: After two frustrating, painful films, Lucas finally delivers the goods -- a complex, emotionally-gripping, action-packed film that ties this new trilogy more firmly to the original. There's still that clunky, nails-on-the-chalkboard dialogue and irritating acting, but it's not as noticeable and painful as it was in "Attack of the Clones" and "The Phantom Menace."
9 SONGS – B+
Genre: erotic drama, experimental
Rating: unrated
Director: Michael Winterbottom ("24 Hour Party People," "Jude," "Code 46")
Cast: Kieran O'Brien, Margo Stilley
Bands featured: Franz Ferdinand, Elbow, the Dandy Warhols, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Primal Scream, The Von Bondies, Super Furry Animals, Michael Nyman
Plot synopsis: A British man and an American woman go to several concerts and have lots of sex.
Positive reviews from critics: 33 percent
My thoughts: Generally "real sex movies" -- dramatic films with unsimulated sexual acts -- are pretty hard to pull off. For every one that works -- Catherine Breillat's "Romance" and Larry Clark's "Ken Park" -- there are several that fail: "Baise-moi," "Caligula."
Winterbottom manages it pretty well, though. By making the film a kind of cinematic collage instead of a traditional romantic narrative, he achieves a kind of universality. The film rings true for what it's like to be young, hip and in a relationship where loads of great sex is to be had. I can't think of another film that nails that feeling quite as well as Winterbottom's. It's also got quite the soundtrack, obviously.
WAR OF THE WORLDS – B
Genre: science fiction, action, thriller
Rating: PG-13
Director: Steven Spielberg
Cast: Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Tim Robbins
Plot synopsis: Aliens invade! A divorced father (Cruise) must flee with his children and tries to meet up with his ex-wife.
Positive reviews from critics: 72 percent
My thoughts: Spielberg's success with "War of the Worlds" is in the creation of a gripping survival story with intense special effects. It also has a bit of realism to it -- were aliens invading, this is probably how it would actually be. There are also chilling shades of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks that make it into the picture. Spielberg stumbles, though, with his characters and their personal stories. They're not exactly the most compelling or engaging characters. Still, though, the film excites and enthralls.
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN – C+
Genre: historical action, drama, war
Rating: R
Director: Ridley Scott ("Gladiator," "Black Hawk Down," "Hannibal," "Blade Runner," "Alien")
Cast: Orlando Bloom, Liam Neeson, Edward Norton, Jeremy Irons, Ghassan Massoud
Plot synopsis: A young blacksmith (Bloom) discovers that he is the son of a crusader. He is then given his father's responsibilities to defend Jerusalem from the Muslim invaders.
Positive reviews from critics: 39 percent
My thoughts: I keep giving Ridley Scott chance after chance, but I simply cannot appreciate his films. I'll concede that he's a superb technical director, as far as staging impressive action sequences, but when it comes to drama, character, story and dialogue, I'm routinely left bored and unimpressed. "Kingdom of Heaven" was no different. The movie perfectly fit the mold of the Ridley Scott film: superb action with boring story and characters.
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY – C
Genre: fantasy, comedy
Rating: PG-13
Director: Tim Burton ("Edward Scissorhands," "Ed Wood," "Sleepy Hollow")
Cast: Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, Helena Bonham Carter, Deep Roy, Christopher Lee
Plot synopsis: The mysterious, magical candy maker Willy Wonka (Depp) sends out five golden tickets that will grant entry into his factory, offering a guided tour to five lucky children.
Positive reviews from critics: 81 percent
My thoughts: At the center of the story of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," there is a single element that needs to be as rock solid as an everlasting gobstopper: Willy Wonka. And again, let the cinematic inquisition come after me, but Johnny Depp just does not pull it off. There seems to be something strange about a Willy Wonka who does not like children. How can the film work when its central figure is so hard to like?
WEDDING CRASHERS – C
Genre: gross-out comedy
Rating: R
Director: David Dobkin ("Shanghai Knights," "Clay Pigeons")
Cast: Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Christopher Walken
Plot synopsis: Two divorce mediators have an unusual hobby: crashing weddings to score with women when they're at their most vulnerable.
Positive reviews from critics: 74 percent
My thoughts: The celebration of "Wedding Crashers" seems to be quite loud and raucous -- as though a new classic has been made. Frankly, I don't know what all the fuss is about. Its jokes are not particularly original; its structure is formulaic; its stars don't have anywhere near the chemistry they've exhibited with other actors in previous films; Christopher Walken's comic genius is sadly untapped as he's relegated to the role of straight man; and it's 30 minutes too long. The film is pleasant enough and mildly entertaining, but it's hardly the comic firecracker many are insisting it is.
FANTASTIC FOUR – C-
Genre: action, superhero
Rating: PG-13
Director: Tim Story ("Taxi," "Barbershop")
Cast: Jessica Alba, Ioan Gruffudd, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, Julian McMahon
Plot synopsis: Five astronauts are bombarded with cosmic radiation that gives them superhuman abilities. Four of them become a superhero team, and the other becomes their nemesis, Dr. Doom.
Positive reviews from critics: 26 percent
My thoughts: "Fantastic Four" definitely falls into the "Daredevil"-"The Hulk"-"League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" category of superhero films, rather than the "Batman Begins"-"Spider-man 2" category. Its heroes are bland and generic, without the liveliness, humanity and conflict of other superheroes. And there isn't much of a story to tell -- Dr. Doom's motives are rather hard to understand. The acting is weak, and the dialogue is irritating. All in all, entirely forgettable and disposable.
THE BROTHERS GRIMM – D-
Genre: fantasy, comedy, horror
Rating: PG-13
Director: Terry Gilliam ("Brazil," "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," "Twelve Monkeys")
Cast: Matt Damon, Heath Ledger
Plot synopsis: Will (Damon) and Jacob Grimm (Ledger) are two con men, who go from town to town slaying "trolls" and "witches" that are really just their friends
Positive reviews from critics: not enough reviews yet
My thoughts: It's strangely amusing that the worst film I've seen all summer is one that has not been released yet. When one has to suppress the instinct to walk out or fall asleep, it goes without saying that's a really bad sign. With "The Brothers Grimm," the whole thing -- the characters and their story -- just seem incredibly dull and boring. I couldn't get involved in it at all. I suppose the advantage of seeing it so early is that I can sound the alarm now: Save your money! Stay away! It's not one of Terry Gilliams' "Twelve Monkeys" or "Brazil" movies. It's "Baron Munchausen" -- except worse!
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