It's 10 p.m. Do you know where your 16-year-old is? How about your 12-year-old or your 11-year-old? How about your 7-year-old twins? And what about your 3-year-old, not to mention your newborn?
Keeping track of these seven children would be a daunting task for any parent. Double the amount to 15 children, however, and throw in a bun in the oven for good measure, and you have the makings of absolute pandemonium. However, this is just how Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar live each day.
The Arkansas couple has been profiled by numerous television shows and articles in magazines and newspapers for having such a special family unit and way of life. Not only do they have 15 children, they also homeschool each of them and make up their own minichurch. Although they spend more than $1000 per month on groceries alone -- along with untold amounts on laundry, bills and transportation -- they remarkably have no debt whatsoever. This is much more than most single, childless people, like myself, can claim.
When I first heard of the Duggars a year ago, they only had fourteen children. I was stupefied as I watched a documentary about them, shocked at what I considered the ridiculousness of it all. How crazy are these people to have so many kids? Don't they know anything about overpopulation? Birth control? Can their kids possibly be getting adequate educational and social opportunities, not to mention parental attention? Of course they can't be! Are these people into compulsive child hoarding or something?
Admittedly, my opinions about the Duggars have softened recently, partly due to further research and partly due to my own growth. While I would never choose their life as my own, and I'd damn sure let my future daughters wear pants if they wanted to, I really have very little nonemotional grounds on which to mount my soapbox and criticize them. The Duggars are consenting adults in the baby-making process and can have kids if they want to. It ought to be none of my concern. And since the Duggars receive no public assistance, my tax dollars aren't funding their lifestyle.
Furthermore, the Duggars' conservative Christian beliefs are behind their decision to not use birth control. As American citizens, they are granted "free exercise" of their religion by the First Amendment, and as such, they must not be denied or begrudged this exercise.
I have not seen or heard indications that any of the children are being abused, so it appears the home is safe as well. By all accounts, the family is perfectly functional, if extremely busy. Thus I have decided it is better to live and let live.
Besides, if I stretch my intellectual humility and reverse roles, I'm sure the Duggars might be taken aback at my lifestyle and ideas. My initial shock and disdain can be more accurately conceptualized as an "I wouldn't like that" reaction.
Then again, it's not important whether I like or dislike the Duggar family's way of life. The earth will continue to spin regardless. What's important is that I realize my first reaction was based on personal preferences and biases, not necessarily on the facts. It would be unwise to argue against the Duggars, if my chief complaint is: "But they're so weird!" In the end, they're still people, no better or worse than I am.
Write to Marie at
mmzatezalo@bsu.edu
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