Being that this year was my ninth Father's Day as a single father, I selfishly thought to myself, "what would you like for Father's Day?" And, as if being a father isn't an award itself, I fell into the trap of thinking I should receive something extra for my real proof of existence -- just hearing my son say "Dad."
It's quite like a birthday, the Father's Day I envision. Last year I unwrapped a Nerf football and a hat that said Mark Martin, No. 6, team Viagra on it. The football became my son's dog's new chewing toy, and the hat went into storage, to be put on hold in case I someday become a consumer of this fine product or, even more, start watching NASCAR. Fine gesture, son, the sheer philosophy of the gifts were mesmerizing. One gift I had outdated, theoretically, and the other outdates me for hopefully many, many years.
This year, regardless of the gifts he might have given me, I am appreciative. However, I think my real gift this year is being able to see what he gives me unintentionally.
My son was invited to a Saturday birthday party for a friend who had to move to another state and was visiting this weekend. He spent the night and did not come home until around noon on Sunday.
At first, upon hearing his plans, I was a little let down. I thought, "Sunday is Father's Day. He should go to church with me and do what I want to do." Then, I sat back, looked into his eyes and said, "Well, you're big enough to make up your own mind."
He rolled his eyes and said, "I didn't really want to go to church anyways. Hey, maybe Sunday night we can go fishing!"
I'm not much of a fisherman, since every time he and I go fishing, I have to take his unending fish off the hook for him, while I never catch even one.
So, the gift to me is learning openness, learning not to enforce control over him for something that is celebrated once a year, socially, and taken for granted, personally, almost daily. As an emerging critical-thinking student, I try to apply this idea to the world around us, this idea of giving gifts on a random day, for reasons that should be appreciated daily. It's sort of like the First Amendment. We take this right, or gift actually, for granted daily. I'll trust that as college students you know the First Amendment.
On May 17, 2005, a University of Connecticut survey was released by Ernest Miller. In this survey, these questions were asked to the general public and journalists: "How do Americans feel about Newspaper Censorship? What do Americans think about free expression rights for musicians?"
Miller says, "There was an interesting comparison with a survey of high school students taken last year. With regard to newspapers, 75% of American adults were opposed to prior restraint, while only 51% of high school students agreed. With regard to musicians, 58% of American adults think musicians should be allowed to sing songs that are offensive to some, while 70% of high school students thought the musicians should be protected. Weird."
The numbers in the survey say a lot about what is important to people in different age groups. It also shows how people are either too comfortable within our age of convenience or too tuned out to realize the control people in power have over their everyday experiences.
This is quite like I was at first when my son had other plans on Father's Day, when I had to realize that appreciation is given not just once a year, but throughout a lifetime.
I'm glad I don't base my parenting on the way the government "parents" its country because if I did, I'd listen to the President more often, with his words of wisdom such as these words he spoke on Aug. 9, 2004, "Let me put it to you bluntly. In a changing world, we want more people to have control over your own life."
Write to Shon at
sibyrum@bsu.edu
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