As the semester barrels ahead before it screeches to a halt, one thing is certain: 'Tis the season for procrastination.
With only a few weeks left, it would make sense to buckle down and put the proverbial nose to the proverbial grindstone; however, it baffles me how much time we spend doing things of no importance whatsoever. I, for example, have become an expert-level minesweeper; my socks are organized by color, length, texture, and age; and, since seeing "The Incredibles," I have dedicated a number of man hours to contemplating the ideal super power.
At first, I thought it would be the power of instantaneous transportation, by which one could travel to destinations of one's choice by sheer will. No more worrying about gas, no more speeding citations, no more paying obscene amounts of money for plane tickets only to be stranded in Cleveland for four hours because of a flood in the control tower's break room.
Instantaneous transportation, though, has too many conditions. Could you bring people/objects with you as you traveled? Would you have to know a precise location to which to teleport, lest you become lodged within another person? Would anything be open in Switzerland when you decided to go, or would you have to wait until the middle of the night when it was the dinner hour in Zurich time? There's just too much to worry about.
But what if there were a super power to eliminate worry? What if, when you lost something, you could find it immediately without having to search for hours? This would have come in handy at several points in my life, the most memorable being the time I lost my car key while running errands on campus. This would also ensure that I would never be late to anything ever again because I would be able to find my wallet, phone, car, and any other items to which I must be a slave.
To which a question arises: Why, if one could have super powers, would one want to be a slave? That's when I started thinking that the perfect power would be the ability to stop time.
I'd never be late for anything. I would have as much time as necessary to finish papers, to shop for groceries, to have a Donkey Kong 64 marathon before studying for a final exam. Sacred moments in life, like standing next to my little sister at the altar on her wedding day, could last more than a few minutes.
Yet again, questions arise. Could I unfreeze people? Would I age during this time? If so, wouldn't people become suspicious when I started having hot flashes and lower back problems? And, with all of the time I waste as it is, would I ever want to start time again?
Maybe.
Let's do some quick logical reasoning. Absence of time equals absence of responsibility. Absence of responsibility equals absence of stress. Absence of stress equals an absence of the very essence of life.
While the pressure you undoubtedly feel seems horrible, let's join together in remembering that it's all part of the reality in which we all have at least one power. We can turn "maybe later" into "now."
And, when we are truly superhuman, we can beat minesweeper.
Write to Aleshia at aahaselden@bsu.edu
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