I recently had a friend offer to do me a favor. It was a pretty big favor, but it wasn't life-threatening. This friend had also told me about some car problems that were a significant concern.
Well, that friend didn't do me the favor and I haven't heard from that friend since. (Yes, I'm being gender neutral for a reason.) I hope s/he doesn't think I'm mad about the favor not getting done. I was actually worried all weekend that the car broke down and my friend was stranded somewhere.
But, since we haven't talked, I can't share that. I don't know if s/he is reading this or not; and, this isn't a plea to call me. It's just a point I have to make. Don't underestimate me.
I hold grudges, I admit. But I like to think that I stay pretty level-headed about a situation until I find out the details. If I find out two friends are having problems, I like to try make things OK, but I wait for both sides of the story first.
Granted, if I get the most drastic, emotional version first, I'll be a little on the defensive; but, I usually calm down by the end and talk calmly to whomever is involved.
Underestimating me, or my feelings, really upsets me. I can usually deal pretty well with a situation when I know both or all sides of the story. Depending, of course, on how many people are involved.
There are also times I need to remain neutral to all parties. What good is it going to do if I take the side of one friend over another and lose a friendship? I've been single for a very long time, so my friends are all I have...I can't afford to not have them. Even if I were in a relationship, I would still need my friends.
Breaking a promise is not cool. There are certainly unavoidable circumstances that come up, but they should be explained. A promise is a trust (the aforementioned favor was not a promise, by the way) between two people, or among many. If you lose that trust, how long will it take to regain that trust? Are you willing to wait that long? Is your friend willing to wait for your trust back?
There are also times when the trust is broken without the promise. If you're falling back and trust that the person behind you will catch you, then doesn't, who gets hurt? Physically, of course, you. Then, you stand up with that embarrassment glowing about you and so much for trusting that friend again.
Make sure you don't underestimate your friends, you might get hurt. Trust me.
Write to Billie at billiecol02@yahoo.com
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