This is an open letter to 2003-2004 National Basketball Association All-Star Defensive Player of the Year Ron Artest.
Artest, you asked for a month from playing with the Indiana Pacers to focus on your own rap album and the release of an record by Allure, an all-female group on your rap label, Tru Warier Entertainment.
Leave the world of hip-hop now Artest, and don't look back. I'm sorry I've been forced to do this, but for your sake and the entertainment of my audience, let's take a trip down memory lane at past rapping attempts by the brass of the NBA.
See if you can guess this one. His rap name is Jewelz. One of his songs is, "40 Bars." His first and only album attempt was "Non-Fiction" in 2000. Give up?
Well, it's the NBA's favorite thug wannabe, five-time NBA All-Star and point guard for the Philadelphia 76ers, Allen Iverson.
To showcase Iverson's tremendous rapping abilities, I was going to choose a few lyrics from "40 Bars," but every line contains either a racial slur, curse word or derogatory comment.
Oh, and he shows his creative side by being the first rapper in history to demean women and bash homosexuals. With such a winning formula only Eminem can emulate, how did he not succeed in the world of rap?
Well, here's an abridged version: NBA Commissioner David Stern thought the lyrics were offensive. Iverson changed his lyrics and made nice-nice with the public. "Non-Fiction" is never released due to negative feedback from the media and Iverson is being seen as a pansy for backing down to "the man."
Okay, that last part was made up.
Sadly, however, Kobe Bryant and Tyra Banks singing together is not.
In early 2000, Columbia Records released the song, "K.O.B.E," a duet by Bryant and Banks. This song was on Bryant's failed record attempt, "Visions," which was never released after Columbia dropped Bryant.
How could a label drop a singing talent such as Kobe, especially with these winning lyrics:
"Can even compete the package, all I date is actresses
Can play it safe with them, my money ain't bait
But I must take risks to find a honey that's legit
Whether she push a buck and a six, bumpin' some mad chips"
If that isn't ghetto enough for you, here's a sampling of his crack at being more gangsta in his song, "Thug Poet:"
"I'ma let 'em run around one more time
I drop sumpin' on y'all
It's like...it's like
What's it like?"
It's like your lyrics dumb down America worse than our next lyrical offender and pioneer of the basketball-rap crossover.
NBA's least accurate free throw shooter, Shaquille O'Neal, started the trend with Billboard Topping album's such as "Shaq Diesel," and "Shaq Fu: Da Return."
Since those sold so well, Shaq's at work again in collaboration with some schmuck named DJ Vlad on "Hot in Here Part 5," which is basically a "NOW: That's What I Call Music" with every song remixed by the two. I'm sure the public won't ridicule it at all.
What's scary is that isn't even the tip of the iceberg. Kevin Garnett, Stephan Marbury and Chris Webber have all tried their hand at rapping as well, with each failing just as miserably.
Don't be a victim Artest. Remove yourself from the hip-hop world immediately so you're remembered for your ability to wear down an offense, not the public's intelligence.
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