Spectrum's speaker panel began Wednesday with the intent ofdiscussing the history of the campus organization, but the nighttransformed into a personal conversation between the audience andthe panel members.
The speakers divulged information about their personal comingout stories, family's reactions, religious views and heterosexualand homosexual relationships.
The panel consisted of seven past, present and future members ofSpectrum's executive board, and each member had a different story,piece of advice or opinion to share with the audience.
The first audience question stuck to the history theme by askingthe two former board members what Spectrum had been like when theyattended Ball State.
Joel Ray, a 30 year old who was involved in Spectrum in 1993,said that the group used to be called Lesbian Gay Student Alliance,and there used to be many hate crimes on campus directed atgays.
"There were a lot of bomb threats at the Student Center becausethere was a gay guy that worked there," Ray said.
A member of Spectrum from 1996-98 and later graduate advisor forthe group in 2002-03, J.R. Jamison said that when he went to BallState the attendance was not high at Spectrum's meetings with onlyabout five to 10 people participating. Attendance currently isaround 80 to 100 people each meeting.
When panel members told of their own coming out storiesincluding their families' reactions, situations ranged fromaccepting to nonsupporting.
Sophomore Zac Davis, internal vice president of Spectrum, saidthat when he told his mother that he was gay she gave him a hugehug and then said, "Oh how cute! Our first gay hug!"
For panel member Nikki Green, it was not that pleasant. WhenGreen told her mother that she was a lesbian her mother said, "Getaway from me, you are not my daughter."
Ray said his father, a Southern Baptist minister, was completelyOK with his being gay but that his mother was very close-minded,and this conflict caused many fights in his family.
One student asked the panel members where they stood onreligion.
Most of the panel members said they had either attended churchat one time or still attended church.
Green said that her family stopped participating in church, buther mother forced her to rejoin.
"When I came out we had to go back to church because someone hadto fix me," Green said, explaining her mother's mentality.
Sarah Bradbury, external vice president of Spectrum, said shejust got involved in religion this year and was saved about a monthago.
"Being gay for me was not a choice. I have always liked girlsand that is something that is not going to change or just go awaybecause I have come to church," Bradbury said. "I am at thatimpasse of 'Can I move forward in my spirituality with what thechurch is teaching me and how does that mix with my ownbeliefs?'"
An student asked the panel about to talk about relationshipsthey had had with members of the opposite sex before, during orafter realizing they were gay. Most panel members said that theyhad been in long-term relationships lasting anywhere from a year to4 and a half years.
One aspect of relationships that several of the panel speakersstressed was the idea that they fall in love with a person'spersonality not their body or gender. "Homoflexible" is whatBradbury said she liked to call herself and others like this.
Davis said that he thought people got too caught up on thephysical aspect when relationships are not really supposed to beabout the sex.
"When having a relationship, if it's a true relationship, thesexual aspect fits in by itself," he said.
Panel members said they hope Spectrum's future will includeparticipating more in the community with public service, buildingmore awareness on campus and becoming more politically active.
"I'm looking forward to the day when we won't have to fight forour rights anymore," Brown said.
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