Green light. Red light. Orange-ish,kind-of-yellow-but-not-really light.
Remind you of an elementary school game? How about apresidential debate?
Last night, I sat astounded in my living room chair as I watchedJohn Kerry and President George W. Bush participate in their firstdebate of the 2004 campaign. All I needed was some apple juice,graham crackers and maybe some peanut-butter filled celery.
Not to mention a nap.
The debate, the first of many between now and Election Day, wasgoverned by an unprecedented amount of rules, regulations andresponses to political temper-tantrums. The 32-page agreement,signed by representatives from both campaigns, was soon dubbed,"The Bible."
It was, frankly, full of immature, sophomoric kiddie crap.
Debates like this become nothing more then elementary schoolfight situations where little George, mad at his friend Johnny,will only speak to Johnny through mediator Jimmy... andvice-versa.
That may be how American politics currently operate, but it isnot how they should.
Under the guidance of the Commission on Presidential Debates,the campaigns were so insistent on having a fair and balancedsituation that they created rules that, inadvertently, censoredthemselves.
And, if you were bored with last night's debate, buckle inbecause you are in for a long haul. Let's review, shall we?
Starting with comfort issues, lights on the podiums wereinstalled to alert the candidates of the remaining time left fortheir argument. Although this was actually one of the brighterideas of the entire "Memorandum of Understanding," it was debatedby Kerry even in the hours prior to the debate.
Apparently he's distracted by shiny, blinking objects.
Meanwhile, those very podiums, exactly 10 feet apart (left-rightcenter), were "equally canted" toward the center of the stage at adegree that was determined by the Commission. The backdrop behindthe candidates was ordered to be exactly the same, the color andstyle of which was recommended at least 72 hours in advance of thedebate.
And here I thought we had a chance of a really trippin'communist theme.
Pens, papers and notes were also predetermined as per theagreement: down to the type, size and quantity of each. So, just incase the ruler of our free world uses mechanical pencils, we nowhave an official record of it.
No word yet on the lead preference.
The candidates were not allowed to ask each other questions, letalone attempt to try and communicate. However, rhetorical questionswere allowed.
Boy, were they.
Looking through the document, I swear I saw something about themoderator having the ability to put either candidate in "time out"or, ultimately, send them to "their room" without dinner. It'sexactly what we need: a full-fledged, hardcore face-to-face meetingbetween the two men who are telling us they can run our countryand, arguably, the entire free world.
Because if they (or their campaign advisors) think they havewhat it takes, why are they so afraid of discussing it with eachother?
And I'm sorry to say the rules mentioned above are just the tipof the iceberg.
You should see the Oct. 8 debate amendments. I'd love to tellyou about them, but my little red light is blinking.
To see the full "Memorandum of Understanding," visit BewilderedSociety Online.
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