When you're in church this Sunday for Easter, say a prayer for me because I'm really confused. This happens to me every year around this time. I start doubting and wondering about religion.
Because my dad's side of the family is Jewish (my grandfather escaped the Holocaust and came to the United States when he was a teenager) and my mom's side is Catholic, I've never really been sure what exactly that makes me other than a religious misfit. Luckily, I found a name for my missing religious identity two summers ago when I spent the weekend with one of my Jewish friends.
Her mom said people like me are called Cashews. Ha. Get it? Catholic and Jewish put together. What a relief it was to know an actual term exists for my kind.
Yeah, it's slang. But it was still the first time I felt like I saw the light.
We went to a synagogue (Jewish place of worship) for a while when I was younger, but we just kind of stopped going after a while. My father, who is also a Cashew, said it's hard for people who haven't been brought up with one particular religion to fully feel like they belong to one or another.
All I really remember is a few parts to a Hebrew prayer and the basic knowledge of the beliefs and the holidays. But my dad said our family was just "not quite Jewish enough" to really feel like we truly belonged.
Years later some of my parents friends invited us to a Baptist church. Not to stereotype, I'm sure there are many great Baptist churches out there. But more than biblical knowledge, I learned about dress codes and the Christian people's love for restaurants after the Sunday morning service. I did learn about salvation and saying the prayer that ensured you wouldn't end up in hell. But I was 12 - I don't think I fully understood anything at that age. Needless to say we didn't really fit in there either.
I may never be Jewish enough, Catholic enough or Baptist enough to feel like I fit in to any particular group. But if I've learned anything from my diverse religious experiences, it's that you don't have to be religious to do the right thing. You don't have to go to church to know what's right and wrong. You don't have to go to youth group or bible study every Wednesday night to be a good person. Believing in something on blind faith, or just because that's what your family believes is fine for some, but not enough for me. I will figure it out as I go.
So what's a Cashew-girl to do? It's not like I don't believe in God, I know there's got to be a higher power. It's not like I don't pray. God usually hears from me around finals week, while I'm speeding , when I may have bounced a check and when I have to drive my '86 Celebrity on the highway. See, I have a relationship with God.
Well, maybe I'm not as confused as I thought. I know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad and attending any service whether at a synagogue or a church won't change that.
Write to Meghan at mefarr@bsu.edu
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