Bored with the tried and true teenage rebellion tactics of tattoos and piercings, the latest generation of teens has found an all-new way to say "My parents suck": They are branding themselves.
Hey kids, don't do that.
Apparently, the "hip" way to express your individuality is to bend a coat hanger into a groovy shape, heat it with a blowtorch and then press it to your skin. The searing wound remains open to infection for three months before it has completely healed. Once branded like cattle (just like all their friends) these whiz kids can scoff and say that they stared gangrene straight in the eye and laughed.
At least the University Program Board isn't offering "Booze-Free Branding Night". Yet.
Aside from skin burning, I also fail to grasp body piercings. Do you know why skin heals itself? Because it doesn't want holes in it! OK, sure, I understand the claim that a piercing expresses "individuality" or is some kind of protest against societal norms. I find these symbolic protests to be almost as self-righteous as opinion columnists. Are Swiss-cheese people really so self-conscious about themselves that they have to make sure everyone knows they are "different"?
On a completely unrelated note, pierced belly buttons and eyebrows are totally hot and increase my desire to copulate with the girls who have them.
Tattoos are a funny thing as well. I will admit that the potential for individuality in a tattoo far exceeds that of a piercing. Anybody with a microscope can tell the difference between those "unique" tribal designs. Stars, hearts and crosses are incredibly individualistic expressions of a person's exceptional difference from the rest of society's cattle, too.
Just to be clear, tattoos are also totally hot and increase my desire to copulate with the girls who have them. That makes the idea of a tattoo no less silly, though!
When I was a teenager, infuriating parents was easy. All one had to do was listen to "Wu-Tang Forever" really loud or watch "Beavis and Butthead." Maybe today's parents are desensitized to those things, because I guess it takes a lot more to get them ticked off.
I realize do-it-yourself piercing and tattooing were the predecessors to do-it-yourself flesh-burning, but somehow branding concerns me more. It strikes me as outright self-destructive. When does body modification stop being a form of expression and start being a symptom of mental instability?
It seems to me this increase in dumb kids' desire to permanently change their physical outward appearance (and the severity of their methods) is a warning sign that we aren't teaching them self-worth. It is presumptuous to believe that a scar today is something we'll want 60 years from now. It strikes me as unwise to believe so; it lacks foresight. We need to teach patience and foresight.
The rebellious teens of today, they aren't the same thing as the punk-rockers of the late '70s. Their protests aren't conscious intellectual attacks on institutionalized society, but a plea to be given some definition of who they are. Their protests aren't a rejection of the societal mold, but a tantrum because they know they fit the mold all too well. A little intellectual cultivation and some fire-safety instruction would go a long way.
P.S. Your tattoo is totally hot. Wanna go out?
Write to Ben at bbmcshane@bsu.edu
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