Despite our differences as individuals, the human race hasalways shared a number of characteristics. For example, we allbreathe oxygen, hate inadequate parking facilities and have theuncanny ability to do things that make absolutely no sense.
One time when I was seven, I was at my baby sitter's house. Herson, Matt, and I were watching Jim Henson's "The Tale of the BunnyPicnic" and deeply discussing how we wished we could warn BeanBunny and friends that the dog and the farmer were coming to getthem and turn them into bunny stew.
Suddenly, we had a great idea. We went to the kitchen andretrieved a large, scary knife. We were just seconds away fromcutting the television screen open when my baby sitter came in andgave us the timeout of a lifetime.
I realize now that there was no logic behind our plan. The TVwas merely an agent that allowed us to view the bunny village, andwe wouldn't have cut through the screen with a knife, no matter howlarge and scary it might have been.
Surely we could have found a chain saw.
Incidents like this, however, are child's play (ha) compared tothe tomfoolery abounding in the world of science. I recently readan article in which Chris Idzikowski, a professor at the Universityof Surrey in southern England, identified six common sleeppositions and specific personality traits that go with each.
This puzzled me for two reasons: The battle to understand thehuman subconscious seems to be futile, especially since peopleusually have a general idea of what their personalities are withoutconsidering their sleep positions. Also, and perhaps I am alone, Ihave no idea which position I sleep in the most.
I am a liquid sleeper. When I am ready to sleep, I pour myselfonto any readily available surface. I will not wake up under anycircumstances unless I have been on said surface for a minimum ofeight hours. This is fine and dandy at home on the sofa, but it isa remarkable feat of bravery and resistance to disease in, say, aGreyhound station.
So perhaps one's sleep position and the places that onechooses/dares to sleep should indicate personality.
The whole idea sounds eerily like a horoscope to me. With no illfeelings toward my cosmic brethren, I would not be at all surprisedif Idzikowski read his horoscope -- Leo: The position of Mars saysthat you breathe oxygen, hate inadequate parking facilities and dothings that make no sense -- and he thought to himself, "Wow! I canuse some of this grant money to tell people what they already knowabout themselves through some abstract means! Eureka!"
It absolutely boggles my mind that instead of curing fataldiseases, healing the world and making it a better place,scientists spend their precious time on planet Earth linkingpersonality types to sleep positions. I'm sure the staff of "Teen"magazine is thrilled. The rest of us, however, have an importantquestion on our minds: Where did I put that chain saw?
Write to Aleshia at aahaselden@bsu.edu
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