Since the beginning of time, journalists have worked to exposethe wrongdoings of the "Big Bad Corporate Wolf" to the "ThreeLittle Consumer Pigs" of the day. I feel, therefore, that it is mycivic duty as a writer who compulsively goes to Wal-Mart everydayto keep the public on its collective toes, especially about theundeniable fact that Sam Walton is actively depriving America ofits fad soft drinks.
Some among us may think Sam Walton is actually doing America aservice. I recall the days of Josta, Coke II and Surge (which Iunderstand is still served at King's Island) with little fondness.The only redeeming factor in this era of fad pop was Pepsi Clear,which was pretty much the bee's knees.
The beverage world has since moved away from scary, greencoloring, guarana and motor oil and leaned toward Mother Nature'smost precious gifts to mankind: lemon and vanilla.
I became a loyal follower of Pepsi Twist in the summer of 2001.I laughed in the face of Coke, the older generation's brown seltzerof death, when it jumped on the lemon bandwagon with -- braceyourself for the insurmountable creativity -- "Coke with Lemon,"subtitle: lemon-flavored Coke.
Shortly after, Coke started its own cult following: VanillaCoke. I never tried it. I refused to abandon my fair Pepsi in itstime of need.
Much later, and in much more time than it took Coke to do thelemon thing, Pepsi introduced Pepsi Vanilla. After I tried it forthe first time, it turned out to be the elixir of life.
Naturally, my supply dwindled and expired, so I went to thelocal Muncie Wal-Mart to purchase more. I looked high and low formy beverage of choice, and it was nowhere to be found, even thoughan employee was giving samples away at the door.
After I thought all hope was lost, I asked the employee if therewas any Pepsi Vanilla left, and she said, "Yes. It's back in thegardening section."
Of course! How silly of me! What a logical place for carbonateddrinks!
That evening I spoke with Andy Martin, an employee in Wal-Mart'scash office and asked him why the Pepsi Vanilla was back with theplants. His reasoning was that Pepsi Vanilla kills weeds.
Since Martin has the gardening expertise of concrete, I wentonline and searched for food or beverages with weed-killingcapabilities. Pepsi Vanilla was not among them, but surprisinglyenough, the U.S. Department of Agriculture found that vinegar is aneffective organic weed killer.
The point is that there is no reason for Pepsi Vanilla to beexiled to the gardening section when loyal fans are trying to findand consume it. Wal-Mart already censors its music, movies andmagazines; must it move on to soda?
I suppose in comparison to disasters such as war, famine,destruction and the continuance of Mountain Dew Livewire, theplacement of Pepsi Vanilla in a retail store is of littleimportance. If anyone has any information about it, however, Iwould very much like to hear the voice of reason in a world ofchaos.
Until then, I will stop worrying. Unless Wal-Mart startscarrying Pepsi Vinegar.
Write to Aleshia at aahaselden@bsu.edu
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