A lot of females are on crack these days.
With the hip trend of low-rise jeans, my eye has caught these fem-bots bending over and, voila, a revolutionary shift in plumber's crack.
Jokes like these used to be aimed solely at the men who came into our houses when we were all children. The sink dripped and mother couldn't wait for father any longer, so the local plumber was called in. He arrived late with grease stains under his armpits and his toolbox, ready to twist those pipes into shape so the dripping would cease.
He reached the kitchen, swung open the cabinets under the sink and that's when all the gory details press into the tips of our minds. Blue and gold lines from his Fruit of the Looms shyly snuck up from his gray Dickies and then the sliver began to protrude.
The small line became longer and longer.
The dripping stopped, but it wasn't without the cost of our innocence.
Ugh. Dirty tighty-whities and plumber's crack. There goes lunch.
Granted, men are usually the butt of these jokes, especially when they wear snazzy boxers and slug along the sidewalk with their pants balanced on their thighs, as they walk like handicap penguins.
It's sad that many young men are trying to resuscitate this faux-fashion, and some succeed thanks to the likes of Eminem and Jay-Z.
This interesting style always perched on the taste of men - until recently.
I pass young women all the time; it's something that's expected, especially when there's an entire dormitory housing all females aptly nicknamed "The Nunnery."
But passing these young women isn't the same as it was my freshman year, and it could be the mutation of style since DKNY discovered Victoria's Secret and spilled rumors all over the fashion industry: out with the underwear and in with the plumber's crack.
A female will drop something, bend over, pick it up, and as my eyes follow, I notice shadows expanding and a line creeping out from her fancy LEI jeans. Plumber's crack isn't just a phenomenon reserved for men anymore, with Christina and Britney flashing every 14 year old, young women everywhere are bending over and showing their true colors.
Underwear? Under where?
Victoria will be losing sexy business because young women are becoming addicted to crack. It's like an E! Hollywood Mystery with all the scandal, minus Anna Nicole Smith.
Those low-rise jeans should come with a warning label: when something is dropped, bend from the legs and not the waist to avoid exposure of unnecessary Plumber's crack.
Clothing with warning labels, egad.
Women love the feel of jeans below their pierced belly button, and that's A-OK. Men love to take a naughty glance when women bend over to pick up their eyebrow pencil, and that's fine too. I'm just leery of the day when women bend over, sporting their addicted-to-crack jeans and a trail of toilet paper pops out.
Write to Evan at emann@mr-potatohead.com
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