I have the evil in me.
After receiving two DVDs as holiday gifts, I was lured into Blockbuster by the promise of big, big savings on previously viewed DVDs.
The evil surged as I entered. Before me and strewn across several tables were hundreds of DVDs. By gum, for once, I could go home happy.
I could see the path to coolness. With a massive DVD collection, I would be the supreme cool force on my block. Oh yes, my DVD collection would beat up your DVD collection.
Yes, neighborhood children would run in packs behind me, waiting for me to hand out DVDs. I'd be way better than the ice cream man, or even the Schwan's man.
Indeed, the evil -- not any irresponsibility on my own part -- made me buy a multitude of DVDs. Just in the past few weeks, I've spent more than $300 on home movie entertainment. This buying frenzy rivals only the Great AC/DC Incident of 2002, which I will not speak of here.
Thus, I consider myself an authority on DVD buying. If anything good is to come of my evil, at least I can impart some wisdom on the four people who are reading.
Remember these things when buying DVDs:
Widescreen and full screen -- Know the difference between the two. If you like full screen, you just don't get the whole picture, and you probably have bad wallpaper, too.
Widescreen means you will be getting black bars on your television, but the entire film frame is there -- it's just shaped differently. Full screen means that someone has chopped the film frame to fit your television. Don't get full frame unless you want people to laugh at you.
Goodies -- Special features should include goodies. Look for "making of" documentaries, bonus clips, deleted scenes, outtakes and director/cast commentary.
If you do not see any of the above goodies, you should find another movie or just stick with a VHS copy until DVD makers grow wise to the demands of DVD snobs.
Caution: Some DVDs try to list things that aren't features. These include "scene selections," "interactive menus," "stereo," and "contains a movie." Watch out.
DVD Clubs -- Companies, most notably Columbia House, create tempting offers of nearly free DVDs with little or no commitment. This is a scam. However, because I have not figured out why it is a scam, I signed up. You should too.
Hey, just because I've been in college for a decade doesn't mean I know everything.
Prices -- Rarely should one pay full price for a DVD. Remember this and do not go to the mall. Stores such as Wal-Mart, Best Buy and Circuit City have good selections. However, Wal-Mart is evil and Circuit City employs vulturine, commissioned salespeople who descend on customers as though to carrion on a highway.
Used/Previously Viewed -- Video rental stores sell previously viewed copies, and most guarantee quality. However, online sources such as eBay and Half.com often do not. Use caution when buying used copies. Get a guarantee.
Beware the thorns of the black rose of retail, lest your wallet they prick. Shop smart. Compare prices. Clip coupons. Buy online. Ask Mom for help.
Heed these tips as the DVD evil awakens within you. Survive the frenzy.
I must go now. I hear the ice cream man.
Write to John at kingseyeland@bsu.edu
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