Call me a philanthropist if you must, but I just cannot let issues affecting our society go untouched any longer. I speak specifically about an issue that affects our sense of being, our quality of life, and our very soul as a community. But it's mostly an individual pride thing.
I was approached recently by senior and fine human being Dave McCarthy, who admitted that he frequently goes into the women's restroom in the Art and Journalism Building. The next time you see Dave McCarthy, before making a hasty exit, you must first chant "Peeping Dave" at him and steal his milk money.
No, really, he has a reason, and he swears he is not alone. The AJ Building has four sets of restrooms, one on each floor, that are located in the same area. Apparently, Peeping Dave once stole the architect's parking space, so he, from deep within his twisted mind, devised a plan to switch the men and women's restrooms on only one of the floors so that he would walk into it and have to quickly and inconspicuously dive into the men's restroom, head covered and dignity in tatters.
And Peeping Dave falls for it every time! What a goofy guy!
But, target of public ridicule or not, he maintains a concern that others do the same thing. I must admit that I, too, have walked into the women's restroom in the AJ Building. Obviously, it's something we all struggle with.
To confirm that Peeping Dave was not just merely insane, I conducted some highly scientific research that involved riding the elevator to each floor to examine the restroom orientation. You may think that this research did not involve any actual effort. I'll have you know that you are wrong to an extreme measure because I spent a good 15 minutes mustering up the courage to go up to the art floor.
If you've never had the opportunity to visit the art floor, I suggest that you do so. Once. The art floor is not for everyone, especially those with weak stomachs, heart conditions and/or epileptic tendencies.
Anyway, sure enough, the women's restroom is on the right side of the entrance on every floor except the third. "Why would a building be designed this way?" I thought to myself, distraught and on the verge of tears. I needed answers; I needed closure.
And what better source for absolute truth than the Internet?
Unfortunately, however, it was no help because I find the subject of public restroom design and placement excruciatingly boring, so I ended up reading about buttons in Japanese public restrooms that make toilet-flushing sounds that serve the purpose of drowning out any noises that fit into the "other" category.
Which brings us to an interesting point: Architects can spend time developing extreme toilet technology to prevent embarrassment, but they cannot make a uniform orientation that would prevent Dave McCarthy and so many others from becoming so distraught and helpless that they have to be consoled by humor columnists.
Beware of the third floor. The trap has been set and it's only a matter of time before you join the constantly increasing number of everyday folk who walk into the wrong-gendered restroom.
Beware of the fourth floor too, but for completely different reasons.
Write to Aleshia at bari_girl@hotmail.com//2+...--haselden 11.22.02DNEditorial//2SORT+â-è+â-ä2AUDT
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