Classical Geek Theatre: Comedy troupe wants to save animals

One of the things I dislike most about going to college is not having my dog. I'm not allowed to have animals in my apartment, so Eddie can't come up to school with me. If he could, he'd help me meet girls.

Fortunately, many of you readers live in places that allow animals. For those of you that do, I encourage you to check out the Animal Rescue Fund (ARF).

ARF is an animal shelter with a no-kill policy. It is completely financed by donations, but they need support. If you are able to adopt a dog or cat, I encourage you to do so.

However, just because your place of dwelling allows pets does not mean you should have one. There are some guidelines.

Rule No. 1: You should not adopt a pet if you have scissors for hands. I am sorry, Edward, a puppy is not for you. If your hands are dangerous objects, or if you intend to replace your hands with dangerous objects, you should probably not adopt an animal.

Rule No. 2: Don't adopt a pet unless you can afford it. Getting a pet is expensive. No, you don't just have to buy food. You'll have to take it to the vet and probably have to buy it some kind of medicine at some point. You will do a great disservice to the animal if you can't afford to keep it healthy. And if you don't buy the pet chew toys, it might chew on your toys. Your Boba Fett action figure has a hard enough time being eaten by the Sarlaac. The last thing he wants is to be eaten by a mastiff.

Rule No. 3: Don't adopt a pet if you have homework. Fido will eat your homework and nobody will believe you. You will be laughed at and mocked -- by Fido.

Rule No. 4: If you are going to have a dog, make sure you have time for a dog. Cats are so independent that Jesse Ventura has been known to appoint them as senators. A cat still needs attention, but not quite as much as a dog. A dog on the other hand, needs so much time that even Dr. Who elected for a cat instead. Puppies especially need you to give them lots of personal time for pet-training and belly-rubs. If you work 40 hours a week and are taking 18 credit hours, you probably don't have time for a puppy.

Unfortunately, because of these guidelines, not everyone can adopt a pet. However, if you feel ARF is a worthy cause, there is still something you can do to help.

Absolunacy, Ball State's premier improvisational comedy troupe (of which a certain Daily News columnist is a member) has a show at Pruis Hall Friday night. The show starts at 8 p.m. and only costs two dollars. All of the proceeds will go directly to ARF. Come out, support ARF, and see the best improvisational comedy in Indiana.

Besides, it's cheap entertainment. For $8, you and three friends could go see Absolunacy, or you could go see a movie by yourself for the same price. The choice is clear. So give ARF a hand, unless your hands are scissors.

For more information, call ARF at (765) 282-2733.

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