Plan B: Columnists reunite after eventful summer away

From the columnists who shocked Daily News readers with investigative reporting by discovering a guy on the Internet trying to meet students in the bathrooms of Ball State buildings for sex...

From the columnists who went undercover and got tested for HIV/AIDS at a local health center and informed students of the free service...

Here comes the column you've been waiting for all summer: "Plan B," starring Kevin, a determined BSU junior who is on a never-ending quest to find the perfect pair of jeans, and his co-writer, Mat, who could care less.

After a brief break-up, Mat and Kevin have reunited on a new Page 4 to bring you a new column with a new name and even new mug shots. Whew. Were getting a little dizzy from all the new fumes.

For those readers who are familiar with us, welcome back. For the new folks, we are the self-declared Batman and Robin columnists of the Daily News, only without the codpieces and masks.

Everyone has been away, so here's a summer update:

Mat: I just recently returned from a road trip covering Pittsburgh, Niagara Falls, Toronto, Buffalo, NYC, and Philadelphia.

A tip for travelers heading to NYC: don't spend $90 on an over-produced show. The real performers are on the street, earning your money and respect through the quality of their show. Most of the street performers are far more talented anyway.

Kevin: The people who have stopped reading probably think Mat and I have dated. Ha, ha. Mat should be so lucky, and actually he is. He has a girlfriend.

You could say my summer was life altering. In our last column in the spring, I stated my family didn't know I was gay, but I had thought about coming out of the closet just in time to make way for the summer wardrobe.

Well, shoot. I didn't even get to utter the words "I'm gay" in my new Abercrombie shorts. Somehow my family received a copy of the column before I made it home. It's completely relieving to know my family knows I'm gay. I feel a Lifetime special coming soon.

Mat: Anyway, the summer was good to me. I made the dean's list for the first time while writing for this here Daily News. Luckily I managed to anger just enough people to be welcomed back on the Daily News roster. Take a good look at this ugly mug; chances are that you'll be throwing darts at it by the end of the year.

Kevin: Up until a few days ago, I was searching for some inspiration. Oddly enough, I found it in a place I would not expect. Wal-Mart. As I was walking down one of the aisles I passed a young man and his girlfriend. The young man coughed the word "faggot." I'd just like to say thank you to this unidentified man for fueling the flame.

Final thought: We're as witty as a Jones soda cap, as charming as a box of Lucky Charms and as inquisitive as a 6-year-old, yet slightly more annoying.