No Longer at Ease: Equal opportunity, racism extinct in today's society; 'every person for themselves' philosophy new trend

Following a summer of discontent the time to return to Funcie, Ind., has come. After a year of writing columns and a summer of re-thinking the heckling, questioning and taunting, I've seen the light. All those who questioned me and told me I was wrong were right. I've seen the error of my evil ways. I will as some of you suggested, "try another way."

And as the first act of my new way I'm providing everyone with a sneak preview of my first book, "Ball State University: Last Bastion of a Decadent, Racist Empire?" by Aric C. Lewis, the new neo-Negro.

What follows are excerpts from this soon-to-be number-one bestseller.

A reader once told me he had a friend who wasn't accepted to Ball State because he was, and I quote "white and middle class." How dare this institution of so-called higher learning deny your friend his opportunity to further his education! Especially, when your obviously bright friend had the intelligence, not to mention intestinal fortitude, to re-apply as a "lower-class black student" and was accepted.

Well, that's just plain wrong. Now that you've given me all the pertinent facts, (white/middle class is to rejected as black/lower class is to accepted), I don't see why your friend was rejected. Obviously this friend should've been immediately accepted into the Honors College with this brilliant analogy theory of Ball State admissions policy.

History has shown us that equal opportunity is bunk. I'd like to thank your friend for reminding me. I'd say it's reverse racism, but experience has taught me that racism no longer exists. I'm serious. I don't even know why equal opportunity and affirmative action and diversity still maintain their "buzz-word" popularity. You and I know that everything is copacetic.

The fact of the matter is slavery, injustice and racism as wholes are nearly nonexistent. Anyone who thinks differently can't be living in the present. Marches on Washington for civil action? For reparations? For congressional action? Don't you know who the president is and how the government works?

Only two things matter: Self preservation and re-election.

No matter how much or how little noise is made, nothing will change. Nothing will change because time has proven that one person no longer, if they ever could, can make a difference. Time has proven that, even if one person wanted to make a difference, it doesn't matter because everything is okay. Why else would so many people be telling me I was wrong?

That's why I've decided to try a new way. Instead of making impassioned arguments that make sense, I'm going to use the same arguments I've heard for the past year. Down with racist institutions with any type of commitment to diversity in learning.

And my second book, in case you were wondering: Why kidnapping children is replacing baseball as America's pastime.