I hate it when I'm sitting in a class and all I hear from the professor is, "wawa wawa wa wa wawa."
Then, I realize my head is bobbing from left to right, back and forth, and my eyes begin to see double. Then it happens.
The sensation of my body drifting through space and time collapses, and my head snaps back, my glasses fall off and I've dented the chalkboard behind me.
I'm covered in drool, my books are all over the floor and all of my classmates watch my performance. Within five minutes, I have managed to doze off in class, lose control, get a concussion and soak myself.
Welcome to the land of Classroom Narcolepsy - a sickness that I'm sure many students suffer from.
"Go to bed early and you wouldn't have this problem," people tell me.
Going to bed isn't the problem. Two nights in a row I've gotten eight hours of sleep or more. But even if I get this amount of sleep, my head bobs, dancing to the dirge of my professors' words.
So, fellow Classroom Narcoleptics, it's time to unite. It's time to stand up and say our names, admit to ourselves we have a problem, wear nametags and work harder to remain conscious during class.
"Hello, my name is Evan, and I have a problem staying awake in class."
Golf claps from my small group members.
"I want to rid myself of this awful whiplash and regain control of my note-taking."
More golf claps.
"Thank you."
How do I begin this healing process?
I will set up a program that will allot students to keep their eyes open, their hands constantly writing and their minds glued to every word of their teachers.
Here is a list of different activities that will aid in stopping the onslaught of Classroom Narcolepsy.
1. Pass notes with the student next to you. There are different forms of this, and it will bring back the feeling of high school all over again. Classes were boring then, and classes are boring now.
Have a rendezvous with two pens and notebook paper. Start a story and have one person write one sentence and the other person write the other. Continue this until a page has been written. Once finished, read it silently and hold in the laughter.
Be sure to use different colored pens so each participant has a "voice."
2. While taking notes, draw pictures all over the page. My personal favorite is a stick man being hung. I'm not always so morbid, however. I also enjoy random designs as well. Let your inner Picasso take over. Be free.
3. This one may sound sick, but it actually works. Sit in the front of the classroom and actually participate and ask questions. The teacher's eye will be on you forcing the Classroom Narcolepsy to go away.
4. Chew about four pieces of bubble gum at one time.
5. As you write notes, try to make them rhyme.
6. Stay away from Valium, anti-depressants, allergy medicine, anxiety medication and any other medications that cause drowsiness. Suffering will help keep you awake.
7. Try to relate the class to your favorite television show. What would Buffy do if she confronted the Pythagorean theorem?
8. Practice your bad habits. Bite your nails, grind your teeth, pick your nose, scratch yourself. Staying active will only help.
Perhaps in the fall, with the help of the Counseling Center, I can get a group meeting together for those who are fellow Classroom Narcoleptics.
And remember, denial is the first step in the healing process.
Write to Evan at emann@mr-potatohead.com
Read More
Three Air Jam teams take home the win
October 12, 2012Nineteen teams shimmied, shook and flipped for a sold out John R. Emens Auditorium on Thursday night during the 25th annual Air Jam.
Bill Clinton Speaks at North Central High School
October 12, 2012Former President's Speech Could Have Effect on State Senate Race
